o say that I was a little angry would be the understatement of the millennium. As Skywarp and I waited just outside the medbay, I was in a pure, unadulterated, unbridled rage. And for once none of the voices in my head were arguing with me or second-guessing me, either; they were all every bit as pissed off as I was.
Skywarp and I had been standing by the medbay door for at least half an hour, waiting for our illustrious Air Commander to emerge and grace us with his ever-charming presence. And that, of course, was the reason for my rage. After all that Skywarp and I had done for him and risked for him – Had we been caught sending him on his way after Megatron had beaten him seven-eighths of the way to death, our own lives would certainly have been forfeit – he had, of all things, decided to return to Decepticon Headquarters. Given that he had to be fully aware of the consequences of his decision, Primus only knew why he had chosen to return…but I fully intended to find out, one way or another.
“The nerve…just wait till I get my hands on him, “ I was muttering blackly as I paced frantically back and forth down a ridiculously short stretch of the corridor that ran outside the med bay doors. Ironic that only a few short days ago, I had been skulking out here, plotting ways to get Starscream out of Headquarters unnoticed… “I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe he came back. ”
“Ok, how many times are you going to say that?” Skywarp interjected, interrupting my raving. “‘Cuz it’s getting really annoying.” He was leaning lackadaisically against the bulkhead, arms folded loosely across his chest, and he was watching me with wholly undisguised amusement as I paced. Obviously, he was far less annoyed than I was over Starscream’s unexpected return.
“As many times as I damn well feel like!” I snapped back at him, stopping my pacing abruptly in front of him and glaring at him. Skywarp looked at me wide-eyed, and then, after a moment of staring at me like that, he laughed…and laughed…and laughed some more. “And what’s so damn funny?” I demanded, my annoyance with him growing exponentially by the second.
“Nothing, really,” he quite innocently claimed straightening up again since he had bent himself over laughing. “It’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get this mad at someone who wasn’t, you know, me. It’s kinda…I dunno…cute, maybe.” He finished off that last line with a wink.
“Oh, good,” I growled with withering sarcasm. “Because cuteness is just the look I was going for, you know.” Skywarp just chuckled again, and I went back to my pacing while grumbling, “I just don’t understand how you can brush all this off like it’s nothing, ‘Warp. I mean, we risked our necks to save his hide, just so that a mere four days later he can come right back and get flogged again. I can’t believe he actually came back.”
“I know. You said that already. About a billion times, even,” Skywarp patiently replied and, when I just glared at him in response, he added, “Hey, I meant what I said earlier, TC. I am upset that he came back. It’s just…I don’t know, I guess I’m just not as surprised as you seem to be. I mean, this is Starscream we’re talking about here,” he finished, using one finger to draw an imaginary circle around the left side of his head, indicating his assessment of Starscream’s mental state.
“I’m beginning to think you may be right about that,” I grumped. “Still, he owes us at least an explanation, and I plan on getting it.”
“Oh, never you fear, we’ll get it out of him, TC. I’m looking forward to watching you finally wring Screamer’s neck.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at his last statement because at that very moment I wanted nothing more than to do just that. Plus, it was good to have Skywarp’s support. I opened my mouth to say so, but at just that moment the med bay doors swooshed open and out walked Starscream. He looked up at us and smiled as if he hadn’t seen us in years.
“Hey, fellas—“
He didn’t get to finish his greeting because before he could say another word, Skywarp and I each grabbed one of his arms and then unceremoniously shoved him into the large storage room that was conveniently situated across from the med bay doors.
“Hey! What the—” Starscream protested.
“Shut up and get in there!” I pushed Starscream all the way into the room, until I’d shoved him against the far wall, securely pinning him there with my forearm against his throat. Skywarp leisurely followed us, strolling through the door, humming a happy little tune to himself while he casually shut and locked the door behind us. Then, turning around, he leaned against the door for good measure so that Starscream would have to get past him in order to escape from our interrogation.
Starscream, meanwhile, opened his mouth to protest his treatment, but before he could utter a single screechy, outraged word, I leaned harder against his throat, got right in his face, and yelled, “What the hell are you doing here, Starscream?!”
Starscream’s eyes were incandescent with rage as they stared right into mine. As close as I was to him, I could see the recent evidence of repairs all over his face, including the fresh optic replacement he had no doubt just received in medbay.
“I don’t have to put up with this!” he growled, and in the closed-in space of the storage room his shrill voice was magnified to an almost painful decibel level, distracting me for a moment, enough to release a bit of the pressure on his throat. Taking advantage of that, Starscream managed to push me off of him and then made his way to the door and to freedom. But Skywarp, his arms folded across his chest, was standing unmoving and unmovable in front of the door, a smug grin on his face. Starscream paused, indecisive about what to do next in the face of Skywarp’s obstacle, and I took advantage of his hesitation.
“Oh, no you don’t!” I snarled, temper flaring again. I was so tired of the games, of Starscream’s flat-out refusal to listen to common sense, of the utter absurdity of the entire situation, that I grabbed his arm and, twisting my body around, flung him back toward the wall with all my strength. Starscream’s back slammed into the wall with a resounding crash, and he let out a yelp of pain. In my rage, I had momentarily forgotten about his very recent and very serious damage. For several long moments the room was completely silent as Starscream stood there, slumping a bit against the wall, his face contorted in pain that he wasn’t remotely able to conceal, as he tried to absorb the shock that must have been coursing through his body. As I watched him, my anger started to drain away…only to be replaced by a crashing wave of remorse.
Oh, excellent job, Thundercracker, a mocking voice said. Beating him up is a brilliant tactic. After all, it always works for Megatron, doesn’t it?
I winced at that remark. Those annoying voices in my head were doing what they did best: making me second-guess my own actions.
Focus, TC, came Skywarp’s reassuring voice through our bond. He’s the one that messed up, not you.
Skywarp, of course, was right. The only reason Starscream was functioning at all was because of what we had done for him. I turned and nodded a silent thank you at Skywarp before returning my attention to Starscream. He had largely recovered from his violent encounter with the wall and was now glaring silently, accusingly at me.
“Look, Starscream,” I said, trying to keep my anger under control, trying to keep my voice level, trying to keep my focus as Skywarp had advised, “Skywarp and I risked our lives to get you out of here last time. And given the shape that you were in at the time, I would have thought that you would have known to stay the hell away. I mean, normally I couldn’t care less why you can’t seem to understand that your life is in danger here. But this time…I care. And the only reason I do care is because this time Skywarp and I put our necks on the line for you. So I think the least you could do is give us an explanation as to why you’re back and what you think you’re going to do once Megatron finds out that you’re here.”
For a moment, Starscream’s only response was to lift his head and peer questioningly over my wing at Skywarp. Skywarp, however, just snorted contemptuously at him.
“Don’t look at me, bud,” he said. “I’m just guarding the door over here. You’re on your own.”
Starscream sighed then, seemed to gather his thoughts for a moment, and then looked me in the eye, his expression haughty.
“For your information, Megatron already knows that I’m here. I’ve already spoken with him, in fact. He met me in the medbay, and we spoke, and he was not the least bit angry, much less murderously inclined. In fact, he had been expecting me to return. So, we briefly discussed the next mission, and then he simply left. So I really don’t know what all this fuss is about.”
“Fuss? Fuss?! Primus, Starscream, are you really that stupid? Don’t you remember just how close to death you were? Just how many more times do you think Megatron’s going to put up with your antics before he finally decides to be done with you? Because he will kill you. It’s just a matter of time. Everyone in the damned base can see it. Hell, even the Autobots can see it, from what I hear tell. Why can’t you? “
“He won’t do that,” Starscream firmly insisted, lifting his chin and defiantly narrowing his eyes at me. “Things have changed.”
“Oh, really?” I snapped back disbelievingly. “Changed how, Starscream?! Seems to me that it’s just the same old crap, different day. The same stupid cycle over and over again. I’m sick of it. Why aren’t you sick of it? What makes you think it won’t just keep happening over and over again.”
“Because I won’t let it happen!” Starscream firmly asserted, with so much ringing self-assurance that I was taken aback for a moment, a moment during which I almost, almost believed what he was saying. His voice and expression softening a bit, Starscream continued, “Look…Thundercracker…I…I know that your intentions were to help me. You did help me, you and Skywarp. And, really, I very much appreciate that. I was…touched by your concern, yours and Skywarp’s. Really. And I know I’ve done some stupid things lately and that the relationship between Megatron and myself has been changing, and not necessarily for the better.
But none of that changes the fact that I am still second-in-command of the Decepticons and that I still have responsibilities. So…I can’t just disappear without a word and fly off into the sunset. If I’m going to leave, then…then the timing of that leaving will be my decision, on my terms. Not yours. And not Megatron’s.”
I sighed heavily, weighing Starscream’s words. On the one hand, they made all kinds of sense. Closure, after all, was a good thing. But on the other hand…I still couldn’t understand why anyone would risk their life in order to have closure. Closure wouldn’t do one much good if one were dead, after all. Still…
“All right, fine. You have a point there, Starscream,” I conceded. “But judging by what I’ve observed over the past eighteen months or so…your time is running out. Megatron might be fine with you right now and he may remain fine with you for a while. But eventually something will happen that’s going to enrage him – whether you’re the cause of it or not – and then he’s going to come after you.”
“Let him,” Starscream snarled, with more venom in his tone than I could remember ever hearing from him, particularly not directed at Megatron. “I’m not afraid of him anymore,” Starscream asserted. “I told you that things have–“
“Changed, right,” I finished for him, over a long, resigned sigh. For the next few moments, all three of us stood in silence, each absorbed in his own thoughts. Except for Skywarp. He was, apparently, just getting bored.
So like…can we be done, now? he asked plaintively of me across the bond, his wheedling tone that of a bored human five-year-old.
In a minute, ’Warp, I patiently assured him. There’s just one last thing I need to know…
I returned my attention to Starscream, who had taken to staring fixatedly at the floor. It looked as though his mind was a million miles away. Or maybe just a few thousand miles away. And speaking of that…
“So…what about Skyfire?” I asked softly.
Starscream immediately jerked his head up, his eyes wide with surprise. Just as quickly, though, his expression morphed into one of anger and defiance, as if he were going to argue that no such person existed, much less mattered at all to him.
“Oh come on, Starscream,” Skywarp interjected, before either Starscream or I could say anything. “Don’t act so surprised. We’re the one’s who sent you off to him in the first place. Remember?”
“Yes, I remember,” Starscream neutrally replied. He leaned wearily against the wall, shoulders slumping, the anger gone from his expression. “What about him?” he asked defensively of me.
“Well…” I ventured, “you obviously saw him and he obviously cares about you quite a bit. But these little secret meetings of yours can’t keep happening. I mean, Megatron’s got to know where Skyfire is and he’s bound to hunt him down at some point, right?”
Starscream looked around the room as if he were afraid someone else might be able to overhear our conversation before closing his eyes and whispering, “Right.”
I got the distinct impression that he was saying the word more to himself than to me, that mine was a question that he’d asked of himself often but for which he still didn’t have a clear answer. So, I was content to let a few extra moments of silence pass before I prodded him again, to give him time to think.
“So what are you going to do, Starscream?” I eventually prodded softly, patiently. “About Skyfire, I mean?”
At that, Starscream slumped back against the wall, wrapping his arms around his midsection as if hugging himself, as a myriad of emotions – confusion, frustration, fear, concern for a loved one, and many others – played across his features, diving and surfacing in such a dizzyingly rapid succession that I couldn’t name all of them. This, of itself, was very odd for just about any Decepticon, much less for Starscream. Showing emotions – particularly the softer ones that Starscream was displaying so nakedly, that one could easily take advantage of – was a vulnerability that most Deceptions, particularly one as highly-ranked as Starscream, couldn’t afford. Yet…there Starscream was, letting it all hang out, as the human saying went. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I just stood there, frozen in both mind and body, as I watched Starscream. Even Skywarp was affected by the display; I heard his quiet footsteps approach as I watched Starscream struggle with his thoughts and emotions, felt him lay a hand against the small of my back, turned my head to see a surprised and wondering expression on his face as he stared in complete, utter amazement at Starscream.
Well, uh… This is…different , Skywarp observed hesitantly across the bond.
Maybe he has changed a bit, I replied.
A bit? Skywarp answered disbelievingly.
All right, maybe a little more than a bit, I conceded. Aloud, I prompted, “Starscream? Earth to Starscream…”
“I don’t know what to do, Thundercracker!” Starscream finally growled, frustrated desperation evident not only in his voice but in every inch of his body. “I don’t know. I’m just so…torn right now. Skyfire wants me to leave the Decepticons for good, to stay with him, to be like we were before the war…but I don’t think that’s possible because things are just so…different now. I know that I belong with him, I know that now, but I just …can’t leave. I can’t leave all that I’ve worked for, all that I’ve fought for, for so long. And I can’t leave Megatron, either. He…needs me right now. He just told me so, back in the medbay… So, I want…I need…I…I just wish I knew what to do!”
Starscream looked at Skywarp and me as if he expected – or at least desperately hoped – that we’d have an answer for him, that we’d be able to tell him exactly what he needed to do. But, of course, we didn’t have those answers. No one did. No one could have them except for Starscream himself. Nonplussed, Skywarp and I exchanged a stricken glance.
Um…now what? Skywarp asked across the bond.
Damned if I know, I replied. This isn’t exactly the way I’d envisioned this little intervention going…
Tell me about it…
Meanwhile, while we stared in open-mouthed, surprised stupidity at him, Starscream became increasingly uncomfortable, increasingly ashamed, perhaps, of his emotional outburst, of revealing his inner turmoil and indecision to Skywarp and me. He stared back at us for a little while and then, the intensity of our combined stare becoming too much for him to bear, he pushed himself decisively away from the wall behind him and barreled toward the door, pushing past the two of us. His sudden – though not wholly unexpected – movements jolted me back to awareness.
As Starscream unlocked and moved to open the door, I turned around, heedlessly bashing Skywarp with a wing in my haste, and called out, “Starscream, wait!”
Pausing but not turning to look at me, Starscream said in a small voice that was completely devoid of his usual bravado, “Never mind, Thundercracker. Just…please, forget that I said anything at all.”
And then, before I could say another word, he flung open the door to the storage room and was gone. Skywarp and I could only stare after him, rooted to the spot where we stood, reflecting on Starscream’s words and his actions…and fearing for the future.