ou’re still thinking?”
I had no idea how long I had been sitting on the boulder beneath me. It could have been a few hours or a few hundred years. I had turned off my internal chronometer when Starscream had left me. When he had vowed never to return. When I had decided after he had left that there was no longer any reason to be aware of how much time passed. When I had decided that it was no longer necessary to be aware of anything. I knew that I occasionally went about meaningless tasks, but usually I found myself simply sitting there on that boulder on the beach, like some great statue, a monument to blind and foolish hearts, staring unseeingly out at the ocean in front of me.
I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I did not hear Starscream’s uncharacteristically rough landing on the beach a mere hundred meters from where I sat. I didn’t hear him approach me, although he was standing just a few feet away when he made his presence known. It wasn’t until he actually spoke to me that I snapped out of my self-induced reverie. His slurred words snapped me instantly back to the here-and-now.
I shook my head, working to bring myself back to full awareness as I turned toward Starscream’s distinctive, familiar voice. He stood there, looking dazed and more than a little confused himself. He was swaying back and forth, in fact, as if he was standing on an ocean raft tossed on the waves of a sudden squall. Then I saw why this was so: There was a large dent in the side of his head. Part of his cranial air vent was completely smashed in, and visible cracks spread outward from the center of the impact.
It took me a moment to recover from the shock, not only of seeing him there despite the fact that he had sworn never to return, but also of seeing him in such a state of disrepair. Perhaps his condition should not have surprised me, knowing what I knew of his situation. But still, the surprise was there. Most likely, it always would be, because I really could not imagine how anyone could do something like this to the person to whom they were bonded.
I stood up slowly, both out of weakness on my part and out of a desire not to startle Starscream, and I tentatively reached out one hand toward him, in order to steady him.
“Starscream…”
“Don’t touch me!” he snapped, contemptuously trying to slap my hand away but missing by a proverbial mile. His depth perception, some clinical part of my mind noted, was way off. “I don’t need you,” he slurred.
He was shooting glances wildly around himself, as if he was frantically looking for something. The rapid, jerking motions of his head as he looked around only served to knock him farther off-balance.
“I just came here for energon,” he vehemently insisted. “I saw that generator you had last time I was here. Where is it?”
I watched, concerned and not really listening to what Starscream was saying, as he overcompensated for his lack of balance. Not only were his equilibrium circuits severely damaged, but apparently his optics were malfunctioning as well. Not only did he not have much in the way of depth perception, but he had also looked at the generator several times but had not seemed to see it.
These were not good signs at all. I wondered how Starscream had even managed to fly here…
“Starscream, please let me at least look at that,” I said imploringly, ignoring his general belligerence and pointing urgently at the distressingly deep dent in his head. “You can have the energon, of course, but you will not be able to fly out of here unless you allow me to repair that damage first.”
“No!” Starscream spat back at me, shaking his head vehemently from side to side. His wobbling worsened correspondingly…and then he started to list to the right, as if his head was attached to something that was pulling it down. And then, losing his balance completely, he began to fall…
I dashed toward Starscream, catching him before he could fall completely over, and as I cradled him in my arms, he scowled defiantly up at me. He was clearly not pleased with the situation at all, but he apparently accepted that he could do nothing about it at the moment. Now that his face was closer to mine, I noticed that his optics were cloudy, energon streaming into them from wherever it was in his head that the leak was originating. Becoming uncomfortable with my scrutiny, he fidgeted weakly in my arms, but he did not have the strength to break free of my grasp.
“No…” he muttered in weak protest again, pushing against me as best he could. “Energon…s’all I need. Just a…recharge, that’s all.”
As weak as he already was, Starscream was getting weaker still as his automatic shutdown sequence began to kick in. I knew this was to allow his internal repair systems to begin working…and although the damage did not appear to be life-threatening, I also knew that Starscream needed more medical assistance than his automatic systems could provide. Though limp and unresisting, he was still conscious as I sighed in resignation, stood up, and carried him to the sheltered place off the beach where I stored my meager supply of medical equipment. Starscream kept muttering in delirious, disjointed phrases as I carried him.
“Wasn’t my fault,” he mumbled deliriously. “I got the damned Negavator, didn’t I? Idiotic Autobot. How was I supposed to know? Megatron…wasn’t my fault…”
Starscream’s voice trailed off as I set him gently down beside the medical supply crate. I didn’t know what his words meant, really, had no idea what he was babbling about at all. But I knew that no matter what he had done, he certainly did not deserve this kind of treatment. As I hastily began retrieving the equipment I thought I might need from the nearby crate, Starscream turned his head to look at me. Noticing the movement, I paused in my rummaging through the crate and looked down at him.
“He did it, Skyfire,” Starscream said quietly, suddenly and briefly lucid, his half-blind gaze soft and weary, almost resigned. “Megatron…just like you said…left me on a rock ledge…damaged. He aband--”
And then he shut down suddenly, interrupting his own words; his vital systems could no longer spare the energy required to keep him conscious. I knew what he was trying to say, though. Whatever had happened, Megatron had abandoned him. As I digested Starscream’s words, I was bombarded with a slew of emotions all at once: sadness, anger, frustration, and concern to name just a few. Then, to my surprise, I felt an underlying sense of wonder, an inexplicable sort of joy.
Starscream had returned to me. Of course, he said he had come only for energy…but I knew that was not entirely true, and I was certain that, somewhere deep down, Starscream knew that it wasn’t entirely true as well. So it was at that moment that I realized that the bond between Starscream and me would always draw us together, regardless of the many empty years during which I had been in stasis or the amount of contamination from Megatron. I was certain that it had led Starscream here this time; in his condition, I doubted that he was thinking rationally at all. He was operating completely on instinct, and that instinct included relying on for direction and guidance a bond that, in his conscious mind, Starscream refused to believe still existed at all. And in that moment, I finally understood what I needed to do, who I needed to be for Starscream, for now, for however long it took.
But now was not the time to ponder such things. Starscream needed repairs, and he needed them quickly. I sighed and shook my head once again to try to clear it. I was still quite foggy from three weeks – according to my now-activated chronometer – of being in a near-stasis condition, never recharging during that whole stretch of time, but nevertheless, I got to work.

* * *

It took nearly five hours to repair only some of the damage to Starscream’s head. I had repaired his equilibrium circuits well enough that I believed that he would be able to fly safely again, and I had stopped all the major energon leaks caused by the blunt impact itself. There wasn’t much more that I could do with the materials that I had on hand and with the skills that I possessed. Now, Starscream was lying on his back, hooked up to the energon generator, still unconscious as his automatic repair systems worked to restore him to functioning condition. According to the gauge on the generator, it wouldn’t be long before he was awake again, but for now… For now, I had a few moments just to look at him, gazing down at his face. He was resting now, recharging more or less peacefully. All of his features were relaxed, peaceful, without fear or pain, and, because of that…Oh, he was so very beautiful. Impulsively, I reached down and gently stroked his cheek with the back of my hand, careful not to disturb him, for I knew that that would ruin the moment.
“Thank you for coming back to me,” I whispered to Starscream. I knew that he couldn’t yet hear me, but that didn’t really matter. I didn’t need for him to hear the words. “And thank you for showing me the truth.”
I sighed then, as I stood up and went over to the little nook in the cliffside where I stored a small amount of excess energon. After three weeks steeped in a deep depression and then five hours of meticulous repair work, I found that I needed just a little boost.
Sipping at the iridescent pink liquid, I let my mind wander a bit. As excited as I was about Starscream having returned to me, no matter the reason for that return, I had to remind myself for the hundredth time that I could not change the past. This was, indeed, true, However, I knew now that I could influence the future. If Starscream was going to return to me when he felt that he had nowhere else to go, then I would take full advantage of that, to the best of my ability. So as I watched Starscream begin to stir a few dozen yards away, I realized that there was hope, where only a few hours ago I had been completely certain that there was none. The thought energized me, galvanized me. I was not certain how it would happen, or what it would involve, but I suddenly knew, to the very depths of my being, that one day Starscream would have redemption and then…
And then he would be mine again. Mine until the end of time…
I smiled with a sort of hopeful sadness at the thought as I walked toward Starscream, as he awakened slowly and groggily propped himself up on his elbows. I saw him flinch and cower as he heard my footsteps draw near.
“M-Megatron? What happened? W-Why can’t I see?” he wanted to know.
I knelt down, laying my hand gently, reassuringly on his arm.
“Starscream, it’s—” I began to say
“You!” he yelled in response, scooting frantically away from me, sand flying everywhere. Instantly his arm came up, and the laser rifle attached at his shoulders began firing off wild shots in my direction. I was able to dodge them, but Starscream’s proximity sensors were back online, and even blind he could tell where I was in at least a general sense. His last shot grazed the top of my shoulder, and I yelled out in frustration and pain.
Enough was enough.
Diving toward Starscream, I pushed him back to the ground and grappled with him until I could manage to grab both of his arms and pin them firmly to the ground.
“For Primus’s sake, Starscream, STOP SHOOTING!” I shouted in his face hoping that he’d at least recognize my voice and stop his panicked, fearful firing.
Starscream struggled mightily in my grasp, but couldn’t free himself. Stilling slowly, he eventually and haughtily demanded, “What have you done to me? What happened to my eyes?”
“I have done nothing to harm you, Starscream. You were already badly damaged when you came here,” I informed him, still pinning him beneath me. “Now…if you will promise not to shoot me, I can explain!”
Starscream’s still-clouded optics glared up at me and, scowling, he growled threateningly, “Get off of me!”
I began slowly, warily, to release his arms, but he jerked them away from me before I completely let go of them. He did not, however, make any move to fire at me again. Instead, he pushed himself up into a seated position and began almost frantically rubbing at his eyes.
With an exasperated sigh, I sat back on my heels in the sand and stole a quick look at my injured shoulder. It was just a surface wound, but it was burning and tingling uncomfortably. Starscream, meanwhile, was glaring. His glare was unfocused and unseeing, but he had zeroed in on my general location.
“Well, Skyfire? You said you’d explain. So how did I get here? And why can’t I see?”
“You don’t remember, Starscream?” He just scowled silently, expectantly, at nothing, so I continued, “You came here of your own free will. You were…damaged, and I repaired you. At least, I repaired what I could. I have somewhat limited resources here, as you might imagine,” I added wryly.
Starscream looked up at me with unfocused optics.
“I don’t remember coming here. Why should I believe you? I could be a prisoner in some Autobot camp or something. And why can’t I see?”
For a fleeting moment, I was insulted that Starscream would think me untrustworthy, would believe that I would lie so blatantly to him…but then, after reminding myself of whose influence he had been under for the past several million years, I pushed the offense aside. I could not, however, repress an exasperated sigh.
“I told you that I am no longer with the Autobots,” I wearily reminded Starscream. “You came to me. You are not a prisoner here. You can leave right now if you want to. Or if you could.”
Starscream scowled at that, obviously displeased by the fact that, at the moment, he couldn’t leave. He still had some recovering to do, some strength to regain, and he knew it.
“Just because you left the Autobots doesn’t mean that they aren’t watching you, Skyfire,” Starscream retorted, pouting mutinously. “I wouldn’t put it past them. And why the hell can’t I see?!”
Under normal circumstances, I might have chuckled at Starscream’s frustration. I tended to focus on one stream of thought at a time, and, in the past, I had always seemed to focus on the stream that he had cared about the least. He had always had to ask a question at least twice before I’d remember to answer it because I would have been off analyzing some other tidbit of our conversation. So, indeed, Starscream had been entirely correct when he had said that some things never change…
I took a deep breath and recounted for Starscream his arrival and collapse, explaining that energon had leaked into his optics and that it was currently blocking his vision but assuring him that now that he was up and around, the obstruction should clear up quickly enough.
Frowning, Starscream held a hand out in front of his face and squinted experimentally at it.
“Yes, it’s clearing up,” he admitted quietly. “I can see my hand.” Then he looked in my direction and squinted again. “I can see you too…sort of.” And then, gingerly, he ran his fingers along the edges of the dent in his head. “Now how did this happen?” he asked quietly.
I sighed unhappily. If Starscream couldn’t remember for himself what had precipitated the damage to his head, I was not particularly keen on the idea of telling him my theory of what had happened to him. Still, I couldn’t exactly ignore a direct question, so I told Starscream cautiously that he had deliriously mumbled something about a Negavator and an idiotic Autobot.
“Ah! I remember, yes!” Starscream reacted immediately after I finished speaking, brightening noticeably. “The Negavator! I had it! If it wasn’t for that moron Red Alert, it would be in my possession right now and then.... Yes, it’s coming back to me now… But…but I wasn’t damaged by the Autobots…”
Starscream frowned deeply, then, and his brow furrowed as he struggled mightily to recall events that had happened less than a day before. A part of me did not want him to remember those events, whatever they had been. Deep down, I wanted to protect him from the pain those memories would cause. I wanted to gather him up in my arms and shelter him from that and from everything else that might possibly hurt him for the rest of his life. But I also knew that, in general, freedom was only found in the light of the truth. He had shown me that the last time he was here with me. It was painful but necessary that he remember on his own, just as he had to realize for himself that he did not deserve the treatment that he was receiving at Megatron’s hands before he could even begin to heal.
“You mentioned that you had been left…abandoned…” I prompted softly.
“…On a rock ledge…damaged…” Starscream finished, equally softly, for me. That was all that he said for a little while, as he frowned at nothing, brow furrowed, as he struggled to remember what had happened to him. His voice became distant and he seemed to look right through me, as if suddenly I wasn’t there as he continued, “He’s never left me like that before. I did nothing wrong, Skyfire, but he left me. He didn’t care that I was damaged… He doesn’t care, does he? And then he came back…angry. I was so close to victory and he knew it and I… I…I always make him so angry...” He began to tremble then and, his expression haunted , he drew his knees toward his chest and hugged them tightly, protectively. “He always wants so much. He always…takes…so much.”
My fingers dug deeply into the sand as the anger in me rose to a critical, almost all-consuming level. It took every ounce of self-control that I had to keep the rage from consuming me. That level of fury had to be released somehow, though…and it was released, at least somewhat, when a long, low growl escaped me.
Starscream’s head jerked up at the sound, and he looked at me with now-crystal-clear optics. The trembling, frightened person that had been there a second before suddenly vanished as Starscream pulled himself out of his memories and remembered that I was there, sitting not two meters away from him, listening to every word that he was saying. The now very familiar angry, self-assured Decepticon replaced the haunted, trembling person Starscream had been just a moment ago.
“You don’t know anything!” he spat furiously at me. “So what if I take a few knocks to the head? I’ve survived much worse, and I’ve survived it all withoutyou. Besides, it will all be worth it when my opportunity to take over comes along. And it will come soon, make no mistake. But until then Megatron needs me. Without me, there’s no way that he can succeed. That’s why I’m second in command. I’m too valuable for him to leave me permanently.”
I was stunned as I watched the transformation before me. It was not a physical transformation, but a mental one. In the span of a single minute, Starscream had gone from one extreme to the other. And now it was almost like he was coaching himself back into the role of the invincible air commander. It seemed like he was trying to convince himself that he was important, that he was needed. This same cycle had probably been repeated so many times that it was now simply second nature to him.
I felt sick inside. Starscream was a prisoner, indeed…but he was the kind of prisoner that no one could ever set free because he willingly shackled himself and then carefully hid the key. But I knew now what I had to do. His return to this beach…to me…had solidified my decision. Maybe things would never change. Maybe he would always choose to live this way, with Megatron and all that that entailed. But I knew with every fiber of my being what I had to do. And this time I knew it was right.
“It’s late, and I need to get back to Headquarters.” Starscream was saying, meanwhile. He made a move to stand up, but I restrained him with one hand on his shoulder nearest to me.
“Wait!” I commanded. After an indignant glare from Starscream, though, I amended, “I mean, before you go, I want to tell you something. Please, Starscream. It will only take a minute.”
His gaze flicked momentarily, in displeasure, to my hand that was still resting on his shoulder, and then he leveled a threatening glare at me. I didn’t need words to understand his meaning.
“All right, no touching,” I said ruefully as I drew my hand back. “But will you give me a moment here? I believe it’s important that you know something.”
Starscream sighed and sat back down.
“Fine. I suppose listening to whatever it is that you have to say is fair payment for the recharge and the…repairs. But make it quick, Skyfire. Otherwise, they’ll start to wonder where I am.”
I nodded, quickly marshaled my thoughts, and then said what I needed to say.
“I have thought about what you said the last time you were here,” I began. “And you are right. I should not have made such an irresponsible decision and thus risked both our lives to fly in so close to an unknown and possible unstable atmosphere . For that, I am more sorry than you can possibly imagine.”
I paused, but Starscream did not respond, only studied me with a cold, expectant expression. So I continued, “I am not an Autobot, nor will I ever be a Decepticon. This is not my war, Starscream, and I cannot be a part of it. I am a scientist and an explorer, and I always will be. I have not changed since the day I was buried in the ice.
But the universe has changed…and so have you. You have chosen the path of a warrior. This, I can accept. You have also chosen to believe that our bond has been terminated. I can understand this, too…but I refuse to accept it. It can’t be broken, and no one can terminate it.”
“Believe what you want. What’s your point?” Starscream’s words were callous, but the cold and unfeeling edge had left his voice and his expression had softened somewhat.
“My point, Starscream,” I continued patiently, “is that you are all that is left in my life now. And I am recommitting myself now to a promise that I made to you eons ago, the promise that no matter what happens, no matter what you do to me, I will always be here for you. It doesn’t matter if you hate me now or if you stay with the Decepticons or…whatever. I do not care about that. Any of that. As long as I still function, my commitment to you and my love for you will always remain.”
Starscream looked down and shook his head slowly.
“Pointless,” he murmured, and then he was quiet for a moment as he contemplated the sand below him. Then: “It’s a waste of time, Skyfire,” he continued quietly, his voice tinged with a deep, regretful sorrow…and then he looked back up at me, and his expression instantly shifted from sorrow to suspicion. “Why?” he asked sharply of me. “Why are you saying this? Doing this? Why won’t you just give up?”
I thought I had just explained my reasoning, but apparently I had not made myself clear…or else Starscream was choosing not to hear what I was saying. But I was starting to feel drained again. I had not had a proper recharge in almost a month and I was feeling the effects now. My powers of reasoning compromised, I decided to just say the first thing that popped into my mind.
With an exasperated sigh I blurted out, “Oh, I don’t know, Starscream . Perhaps it is my ‘damned hard-headed, stubborn determination’ speaking again.”
For a moment, Starscream just stared at me. Then, slowly, a smile started to form at one corner of his mouth. His face relaxed and his optics seemed to sparkle. He looked for all the world just like he used to look back on Cybertron. For just those few blessed moments, I saw the old Starscream. I saw my Starscream, as clearly and as vividly as I could see the cloudless blue sky arcing above me. I saw the Starscream who had been at one time a young Seeker with a passion for reckless flying and an insatiable zest for life…and an amazing sense of humor. Megatron had not entirely destroyed him; he was still in there, hiding away somewhere in the ruthless warrior before me. And now I could not help but mirror his smile as we gazed into each other’s eyes…and remembered.
But then a shadow seemed to pass over Starscream’s face, and his smile quickly changed to an expression of surprise…and then, once again, angry suspicion.
“What are you doing?” he demanded, and he began to scoot backwards, away from me, as he made that demand. “Stop that!”
“I have done nothing. It’s already there, and you know it.” Leaning down, I stared directly, demandingly, into his eyes and said, “You know this to be true, somewhere inside of you. I know you’re in there, my Starscream, and I will not abandon you.”
Starscream stopped scooting away from me and, for just a second, he studied me, looking at me in the same penetrating way that one would examine a particularly fascinating museum specimen.
Then, abruptly, he stood up.
“I’m leaving,” he announced abruptly, harshly, pitilessly. “And this time, Skyfire, I’m not coming back.”
“I will be here, Starscream,” I calmly replied, not at all fazed by his harsh words or the intention behind them.
Starscream frowned at me, then turned and took a few steps towards the ocean. He stopped at the water’s edge, incoming waves lapping at his feet, and looked back over his shoulder at me.
“I’m never returning, Skyfire,” he vehemently insisted. “I mean it! You should just leave. Give up. Go away.”
I just shook my head slightly, sadly at Starscream. I knew, now, that I would never do what Starscream was asking of me. I could never just give up on him and go away, as he had so simplistically requested, not now that I had discovered exactly what part I was going to be playing from here on out, for however long it took. I would never give up, and Starscream needed to know that.
“You know where to find me,” I said to him gravely, calmly, with a certainty that Starscream certainly recognized as such, for he stared at me thoughtfully for a long while after I had spoken the words, his eyes narrowed searchingly at me as he stared over his shoulder at me. Then, as if he felt a need to break himself out of some dangerous trance, he snorted and shook his head exasperatedly at me. Then, without a word, he transformed and took to the sky.
I watched Starscream fly off, stared after his ever-smaller sleek form until he disappeared entirely from sight. As I watched him fly off, I realized, as I had not quite realized it before, that this was just the beginning of perhaps a long and draining road that was ahead of me, a road that was for now unseen and unknowable. One thing, however, I knew for sure: Starscream would be back. He would need me again, and I suspected that he would return here, instinctively seeking me out perhaps many times before all of this was over, however it ended. Indeed, I knew that it was only a matter of time before I would see Starscream again, and I knew that I needed to begin to make preparations now for those future visits.
I knew that Starscream would likely return to me damaged, and I cynically expected that his damage would become ever more severe as time went on, with each successive visit. I had brought with me only what I believed would allow me, alone, to survive for a perhaps extended period of time in an isolated location; I had not counted on having to provide for someone else, someone perhaps severely damaged, as well. I had a good amount of supplies, enough to last me and, occasionally, Starscream for a little while, but not enough and, quite probably, not everything that I would ever need for the long haul.
It was, I realized, time to make some contingency plans, to make a list of everything that I could conceive of that I might possibly need, to work on preparations as quickly as I could. It would give me a driving and perhaps distracting purpose over the coming few days or weeks. And then…
Then it would be time to call in a favor…