A Prime Problem in a Nutshell...
AAARRRRGHHHH!! It's Nightwind's worst nightmare! Another Optimus Prime! No! Please! Anything but this!

More Than...You Want to Know!

Warning! Warning! Major spoilers ahead! Proceed at your own risk!

Don't want to read everything that happened in this episode? Well, fine! Be that way! You can just darn well click here and go on to the next part, ya spoilsport!

For no apparent reason, the Earth decides to split open and an eerie glow emanates from the resulting crevice. Do ya think it could be...oh, I dunno...an energy source?? Well, apparently so because later, at twilight, who should show up but Megatron, Soundwave, and Starscream? And they're not there for a keg party. Standing at the edge of the glowing crevice, Megs makes the startling deduction that the crevice is the source of the "rare energy" their scanners detected (Ya think?) Screamer decides that he's going to dive right in, silly boy, but Megs pulls him back, announces that the energy could be unstable (Hmmmm...Perhaps old Megs learned something from "War of the Dinobots?" OK, maybe not...) and has Sounder send in a cassette probe thingy (Which is not like any of his regular cassettes, no. This one is apparently not sentient. Odd that we never saw this thing before...and never will see it again, of course.)

Megs announces, as the probe heads off down into the crevice, that it is "programmed to analyze and report." (Yeah, Megs...That's why they call it a probe, after all. Yeesh!) He orders Soundwave to report the probe's findings and Sounder gives one of the longest series of speeches in his life: "Energy emanates from crystalline structures" and "Crystalline structures are quartz-like and packed with layers of multicolored rods." Back up on the edge of crevice, Screamer's leaning over the edge, looking down (Look out, Screamer! Someone's gonna kick you in your keister and send you down there to join the probe!) while Megs announces that they've found "corllonium crystals," (Or however you want to spell it...) which is apparently "the most rare and dangerous form of raw energy in this solar system." (I thought that was Rhinox flatulence...) Megs continues that the "autoscout" shouldn't make contact with the crystals 'cuz it'll make it go BOOM! Of course, he says this as the scout breaks off a piece of crystal and it goes BOOM! (So that's why we never saw that probe thingy again. Sounder only had one, apparently.)

Starscream announces that he's never heard of corllonium crystals (Yeah...Screamer the ex-scientist has never heard of them...Suuure...), leaving himself open for the standard Starscream Insult™ for the episode... (*Sigh*... When will that boy learn...?) Starscream shakes it off as usual and proposes tricking Optimus into leading the Autobots into the crevice so that they can all go BOOM! Megs growls that Optimus Prime would never do anything that stupid (Oh really? That's news to me...), and then he adds an "At least, not the real Optimus Prime..." qualifier. Starscream goes, "Eh? What'chu talkin' 'bout, Megatron?" (OK, not in those words...) Megs replies, "Never you mind," essentially, as he watches a "cleverly" disguised rocket descend from the (suddenly daylit) sky. (Wow, that was a long conversation... :)) It lands just outside the cache of crystals in the crevice and, aside from large patches of Decepticon-purple metal visible all over it, you'd never know that it was really a Decepticon base. Not at all... Megs says they'll wait for the Bots to show up to check out the crevice.

And they don't have long to wait (Though it's suddenly night again, full moon and all...) because the Bots are just then pulling up to the crevice. They transform, comment about how hot and cool the lights are, depending on whether you're Ironhide or Jazz. Cliffjumper, meanwhile, is ready to...well, jump off the cliff and check out the hot (or cool) lights. Except that Optimus the Party Pooper stops him, of course, noting that the source of the hot (or cool) lights could be dangerous. The impending argument between Op and Cliffjumper is interrupted by Starscream, who suddenly appears and announces that "all the danger you can handle is right here, Floptimus Prime!" (Hah! I like that!) And Screamer's got Reflector, Thundercracker, and Skywarp to back him up.

Fight time! Optimus kicks all three of the Seekers' keisters and announces that he's bored. Megs, watching like the little voyeur that he is (So that's where BW Megs got the tendency... :) ) orders Soundwave to send Laserbeak out (Yeah...Op just kicked Starscream's, Thundercracker's, and Skywarp's butts. Surely, little Laserbeak will be able to take him out...*Nightwind rolls her eyes*) Well, apparently little Laserbeak ate his Wheaties that morning, for he does just that! With only two shots, no less! They send Op tumbling down into the crevice (Into a part where, conveniently, there aren't any of those nasty crystals.) and he's down for the count. Megs orders Laserbeak to take holographic pictures of Optimus from every angle (Well, except from the front, since Op's lying on his tummy, of course. ;) Guess they'll just have to fudge what he looks like from the front... :) ) but can't shoot him. (Dangit!) With an Evil Laugh™, Megs says that the Autobots are gonna punish poor Oppy for the Decepticons... Megs names Optimus "very photogenic." (Great! Next thing ya know, he'll be on the cover of "GQ.")

Megs walks over to a machine, muttering about beginning the "cloning process." (Cloning process? Don't you need DNA for that? All ya got is pictures, Megs. It's more like "replication" than "cloning." Yeesh!) Two seconds later, out of the machine walks a perfect replica of Optimus Prime (Nightwind: "NOOO! Back! Back! Back, you fiend!" :) ) "It is Optimus Prime!" Soundwave says. (Not, it's not, Sounder! Quit being stupid.) Which is a notion that Megatron seconds, only in not-so-harsh words. (After all, this is Soundwave who's being stupid, not Starscream.) He says that it's a replica of Op, perfect down to the last transistor (Which is pretty amazing when you consider that Laserbeak only took pictures of his outside!), the only difference being that he controls the Evil Clone. He picks up a little helmet thingy, sticks it on his head, and makes his new toy say, "I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. And at Megatron's command, I will lead them to their doom."

Dum dum dum duuuuuuummmmmm...

The Evil Clone joins the other Bots in the battle (And it's suddenly daylight again, I might note...), reports that he "jarred [his] equilibrium chips" in the fall when Jazz asks if he's OK, and then orders everyone to "finish these Decepticons," who then all of a sudden split. And then the Bots go home. (Pretty pointless battle, then, wasn't it...? :S ) The real Optimus, meanwhile, climbs out of the crevice and wonders where the heck everyone is...

Back at HQ, pseudo-Op is messing with Teletran One. He asks Bumblebee (Who isn't there) to come help him and gets irritated when "Bumblebee" doesn't respond. Of course, he doesn't respond because "Bumblebee" is Ironhide, a fact that Ironhide points out to pseudo-Op after looking around for BB. "Whatever," pseudo-Op says. (No, actually he says, "I meant Ironhide, naturally." Sure you did...) Then he wants to know when Teletran was last checked out because it "isn't working properly." Jazz informs him that he did that himself (Oh really? Since when is Optimus in charge of computer thingies...?) and that he's punching the wrong buttons. Spike, overhearing, points out to Windcharger that "something is very wrong with Optimus Prime." (Ya think?) Windcharger asks pseudo-Op what's wrong with him, and pseudo-Op falls back on the "It was the fall" excuse...

And then the perimeter alarm sounds, and who should be there but another Optimus Prime (The real one, of course)? Dum dum dum duuuuuummmmm... The plot thickens. "He looks exactly like me!" pseudo-Op marvels. And then tells the Bots to let him in and then blow him up. The Bots look at each other uncertainly. (I mean really...The fact that pseudo-Op is so militant should've automatically tipped off the Bots that he ain't the real McCoy! Op's never so bloodthirsty...Well, except in "Prime Target," that is...)

The real Optimus walks in and comes face-to-face with his loyal troops, all leveling their weapons at him. Welcome home, Ops! :)

But at the last minute Ironhide comes to his senses and tells everyone to hold their fire until they figure out who's who. Real Op walks in the way into the room, calm as you please, and announces that he's relieved that everyone got back to base safely. Ratchet asks where he's been and Op gives him the recap...and then notices a guy who looks just like him. He wants to know what's going on. Spike informs him that pseudo-Op thinks he's the real deal. "Which would mean that I'm an impostor," Op responds (Man, and all this time you thought you were the real deal! Kick in the lug nuts, huh, OP? :) ) Pseudo-Op says that every Autobot knows that he is the genuine Optimus Prime. (Yeah...Which is why they're looking between the two of you wondering what the heck's going on. Sure, they "know" you're the real Prime...)

Bumblebee (There he is! :) ) walks up to Teletran and says that Teletran's the only one who can tell them who's who... (Oh, really...? How 'bout just asking both Primes a question that only the real Prime would know the answer to? Like maybe about Elita-One's distinctive birthmark or something? Whichever Prime knows the right answer is the real deal, yes? But the Bots are too busy being dumb in the episode to think of that, soooo...) Teletran runs a scan on both Primes...and announces that they're identical so they're both Optimus Prime. (And, yep...Not a sign of the Matrix in either of their chests... ;) ) Spike says that there can only be one real Prime. (How do you know that? How do you know Alpha Trion didn't make a spare, just in case?) They set up some tests of their own.

Which is dumb, of course, (I'm tellin' ya! Ask about the birthmark on Elita's butt!) but this is what they do: They have a sharp-shooting contest. Inconclusive, since the first Prime's efforts bring a rain of boulders down on the other one's head. (Just like BW! :) ) They try a race. Inconclusive again.

Later, they're all back at HQ, bummed because the tests didn't work. (The birth mark...THE BIRTH MARK!!!!) But no matter, because the crystals (Remember them?) decide to start acting funky, glowing more and more intensely. Ironhide announces that they've got to stop the reaction before the whole area goes BOOM! Of course, it's the Decepticons who are making the Bots think that the crystals are glowing more brightly, but that's beside the point...The Bots are off to be heroes, with Ironhide playing leader-man until they figure out which Op is which. Megs, laughing an Evil Laugh™, is apparently quite pleased with himself (Of course, he's always pleased with himself...until he gets whupped, of course. And then he just blames Starscream for everything... *sigh*)

Two seconds later, they're at the crevice. One Op urges caution, the other's all gung-ho (Gee, I wonder which one's the real one...) The Decepticons, of course, attack. Starscream, being a gleeful little voyeur with Megatron, is having a blast, exulting that the Bots are "gloriously confused" and the Cons'll win easily. But Megs has one last idea in mind. He thinks that the Bots won't follow pseudo-Prime into the energy crevice unless he has their complete trust. And to earn that, Megs thinks that pseudo-Op has to destroy a Decepticon. Screamer agrees. Megs asks Screamer if he has any suggestions as to who to destroy. Starscream, being dumb, paces around in a circle, thinking out loud that it "should be a trusted officer to make it look really good." Megs agrees...and he's chosen Starscream. Screamer, predictably, wigs out and runs off in terror. Megs orders Soundwave to send Laserbeak to go get him back...

Meanwhile, Spike and Windcharger are hanging out on the Decepticon base. They see Starscream take off from the side of the "secret" base and they see Laserbeak follow, grab him, and take him back inside. They follow the Laserbeak, who'd nabbed Starscream, back into the base. They overhear Megatron explaining to Starscream that he planned to have pseudo-Op destroy a pseudo-Starscream, not the real one. (Y'know, you can't blame Screamer for freaking, though, given the treatment he's gotten from Megatron in the past. I'd've freaked, if I were him. Just my bit of Starscream defense for this review...) Thus is born pseudo-Screamer, who is very handsome, if he says so himself (And I know at least three people who would agree! :) But don't get attached to him, everyone. He won't be around that long. :) ) The real Starscream puts on the little control helmet and off the Evil Starscream Clone goes off to his fate... (Waitasec! Is the evil clone of an evil guy actually a good guy, or is he just a more evil guy? Hmmmmm....)

Anyway, Windcharger and Spike attempt to follow pseudo-Starscream out of the base, but they're spotted. Laserbeak grabs Spike and Windcharger falls out of the base...down toward a big group of those nasty, circuit destroying crystals. (So long, Windcharger. We'll never forget you! :) )

Soundwave brings Spike back as a present for Megatron, who's too busy carrying out his little scheme to have time to kill Spike. (Unfortunately...I mean, kill Spike and there's NO DANIEL! Yes! :) ) In fact, Megs wants Spike to watch while the Autobots go BOOM! "Not a chance, Megarat," (Rattrap: "HEY!") Spike scoffs. He thinks the Autobots are too smart to follow a clone into danger (No comment!) and that the Decepticons will lose (Well, of course! The Decepticons always lose, Spike-O...)

Meanwhile, down at the battle, pseudo-Starscream calls for a cease-fire and makes his challenge. Thundercracker, who's got Gears right where he wants him, thinks Screamer's crazy (Par for the course for TC when it comes to Screamer. :) ), but the challenge is made and accepted. When Ironhide asks how Screamer's gonna know which Op to fight, he picks one at random and the battle is on. The loser and his troops must leave the area immediately and forever. (Didn't they do this back in "Heavy Metal War?" Yep, thought so. :) ) After a brief fight, pseudo-Starscream goes BOOM!

A moment of silence, please....OK, that's enough silence...

Trailbreaker, conveniently forgetting that pseudo-Starscream picked the Optimus he would fight, announces that since Op destroyed "the Decepticons' number two varmint" (Everyone, meet "Yosemite Trailbreaker.") he must be the real Optimus Prime. (I mean, it couldn't have been a set-up, after all. Oh, no...) And then the Bots just can't wait to follow pseudo-Op into the energy crevice, despite the real Optimus' protests. Jazz retorts that the "real Optimus Prime wouldn't chicken out on a little recon operation," (Yeah...That's why he's always yelling about things being "too dangerous?" Suuuure...)

The Bots head off to the crevice while the real Optimus Prime stands by helplessly. They're just about to head on down when--Glory be!--Windcharger drives up out of the crevice! He's not dead! To Ironhide, this is proof that the crevice is safe. But Windcharger begs to differ. The only reason he survived was because he transformed before he landed on some crystals and, as Wheeljack deduces, his rubber tires acted as insulation. Yeps, Windcharger confirms, and he informs them that they're all being led into a trap set by Megatron who's also holding Spike, a story that pseudo-Op labels "pure drivel." He further asserts that Megatron has reprogrammed Windcharger and orders the Autobots into the crevice. When Bumblebee asks, "But what about Spike?" pseudo-Op rather viciously replies, "He's unimportant!"

That does it. The Bots finally know who's who. The real Op, after all, would have gone weak at the knees at the prospect of Megs hurting one hair on Spike's woolly head. The jig is up! Windcharger says that pseudo-Op is an Evil Clone. And the Bots, with chillingly serious expressions on their faces, shoot him and send him hurtling into the energy crevice.

Megs is ticked and he realizes that they've gotta get out of there. The "secret" base launches just as the Autobots are reaching it, and, as a distraction, Megs gives Spike the old heave-ho. Spike swan dives through the air quite calmly, down toward the Earth and certain doom. Never fear, though, Powerglide is here. Spike falls onto him in mid-air (Let's just "never mind" the fact that Spike should have been smeared all over Powerglide like strawberry jam on a piece of toast after that, shall we?) and all is well.

Down on the ground, Spike asks Op if he's really Op, and Op, showing one of those rare moments of wry wit, answers, "This time I am definitely me. Or I...myself...oh, whoever I am." (Er, that's "I am I," Prime. Geez, all this time on Earth and he still hasn't figured out pronoun cases and linking verbs... :) ) And, then, in a disturbing display of affection, he pets Spike's head as if Spike were a dog... What a way to end the episode. If anything, Op should be petting Windcharger, who's the real hero of the episode... Oh well. Something tells me Windcharger wouldn't appreciate being petted, anyway...

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Nightwind's Unsolicited Opinions

This is a scary episode. Oh, not scary in the "BOO!" sense of scary, but scary in that someone would write this thing and think that it resembles anything coherent or believable... Scary, scary, scary...

Let's take it point by point, shall we?

The worst offender by far is Megatron. He has a triple case of The Stupids in this episode. Let's put aside the implausibilty of the "Magic Cloning Machine." I mean, I can usually do that pretty easily, because magical plot devices of the week/day are a standard G1 thing. You just get inured to them after a while. But aside from that, stupidity reigns in this episode, and I hate that. And, as I said, Megs is the worst offender.

Megs made his first mistake--and it was the biggest mistake of the episode--by letting the real Optimus Prime live. Yes, Megs needed him intact for a few minutes so Laserbeak could take the necessary pictures. After that, why keep him alive? He was unconscious and helpless: BLOW HIM UP! HELLO??? ANYONE HOME IN MEGATRON'S HEAD??? Guess not... Yes, yes, I know the "real world" explanation is that with no Optimus there is no show. OK, so severely incapacitate him, then. Incapacitate him to the point that there's seemingly no chance of recovery until the Bots have already gone BOOM but he recovers anyway against all odds and shows up at the very end, just in time to expose pseudo-Op. Or something like that. Don't just leave him there perfectly functional so that he can wake up and easily ruin your grand scheme. Dumb, Megs! Dumb, writer! Really dumb! As Megs himself might say: "Mistake #1."

Mistake #2 is just...out there. The war's been going on for how long? How many times has Megatron seen Bumblebee? Yet he mistakes Ironhide, of all people, for Bumblebee? I mean, I could almost see him mistaking Huffer for BB. You know, both little, both yellow. But Ironhide? Okaaayyyy... Either Megs is blind in this episode or an Evil Alien Brain Leech came along shortly before the beginning of the episode and sucked some cerebral circuitry out of his long-term memory...

Mistake #3 is messing with Teletran One. What was the point? If Megs wasn't sure how to work it, he shouldn't have gone near the darn thing. But he does, tipping off the Autobots that Op's elevator isn't reaching the top floor in this episode...Which is a very bad thing in this episode, especially when Mistake #1 shows up on Autobot HQ's doorstep to top things off...

Which leads to more stupidity...But this time it's on the Bots' part.

OK...You're faced with the problem of your leader and his evil twin. Barring freaky technobabble anomalies, one of them, obviously, is the real deal and one of them isn't. Obviously, the real Optimus Prime will have knowledge of his past life of which the evil twin will have no knowledge, just by virtue of the fact that the evil twin hasn't been around long enough to have any past life about which to have any knowledge. So, the logical course of action would be to question each Prime separately. Ask each one some questions the answers to which only the real Optimus Prime could know. Simple! But, apparently, the Bots are only logical when Prowl's around...and he ain't around in this episode. So the Bots set up their silly tests, all of which are "physical" tests in the sense that they compare the bodies and/or abilities of each Prime. And, of course, if they're physically the same, as Teletran One determined, their physical abilities will also be the same. Duh! Hello? Anyone home? Guess not. Guess Prowl was out joyriding or something...

So the Autobots' tests fail, of course, and they're still stuck with two leaders because no one thought of the logical solution to the problem at hand. So they go off to the energy crevice. And the fake Starscream (Though the Bots don't know he's a fake, of course) eventually makes his challenge. He gets blown up. The Bots automatically assume, then, that the Prime who was challenged and who blew up Starscream has to be the real deal. Um, why? They obviously have some inkling that one of their Primes is somehow a Decepticon impostor. Didn't they get the least bit suspicious when Starscream shows up, challenges a Prime, and then arbitrarily picks one to fight without the slightest second of hesitation? Gee, you don't think that maybe it could possibly be that he, as the Decepticons' "number two varmint," knows which Prime is which, do you? And of course he'd want to make the wrong one look like the right one, yes? Hello? Am I making sense over here? Seems plain as day to me... Then again, I'm sometimes overly-suspicious and paranoid... Speaking of which, where's Red Alert when you need him? He would have been immensely helpful in this episode, second-guessing and casting doubt all over the place. Guess he was off joyriding with Prowl...How convenient!

And then...Well, you'd think that the Bots would notice that Prime had suddenly lost his natural caution. Love the tendency or hate it, Optimus is not one to rush into anything blindly. Yet he's suddenly chafing at the bit to get into that crevice. It's a stark contrast to the real Prime in the beginning of the episode, who yanks Cliffjumper back from the brink of traipsing off down into the crevice. But suddenly he's the opposite. If I was an Autobot this, if nothing else, would start the warning bells blaring in my head. Especially because the other Prime is tying himself in knots urging caution!

And then the piéce de resistance... Windcharger comes driving up out of the crevice spouting dire warnings about the dangers of the crevice. Pseudo-Op tries to write him off. And, until he make the fatal mistake of brushing off Spike's peril, it seemed to me that the Autobots would have followed him despite Windcharger's warnings. Well, I wouldn't have! Granted, we don't see much of Windcharger in the series--sadly--but what we do see of him gives me the strong impression that he's a very level-headed, dependable guy. Where some of the other Bots can be a little too gung-ho and macho at times, Windcharger is far more cautious and sensible. Back in "Fire on the Mountain," for instance, when Brawn's gloating about how much fun it is nearly getting blown up, Windcharger mutters, "Remind me to discuss your definition of fun sometime." That, friends, is a voice of reason. It is a voice that I would heed at all costs, I think. But it's a voice that the Autobots apparently weren't going to heed, all because of Prime--of whom they should already have been very suspicious! If pseudo-Prime hadn't made the mistake of calling Spike "unimportant," I shudder to think of what might have happened to the Autobots... Scary!

The Autobot are normally not so dim as they are in this episode. Megatron is usually not nearly as dim as he is in this episode. In fact, everyone is not usually as dim as they are in this episode. Windcharger fares well and, surprisingly, Starscream is no worse than he ever is. That's about the best that I can say, I'm afraid. The rampant dimness in this episode just totally puts me off. The whole episode could have been done much better if it was but slightly different. But then, I always think that of any episode of any TV series that does an "evil twin" story. And the device runs rampant in sci-fi. G1 TFs did it. BW did it (in "Double Dinobot"). Star Trek: The Next Generation did it. Twice. Many TV series have done the Evil Twin plot. Not very many of them effectively pull it off. In light of that, I often wonder why the device still exists... :(

And besides all of that, what is it with the time of day that keeps switching in the beginning of the episode? First it's night...then suddenly it's day...then it's night again...then it's day again. I never noticed it before, but now it's damned annoying! Sheesh!

But enough bitching. In closing, I'll just say that there is one thing that I do like about this episode. It's a small thing, really, but important. Well, to me, anyway... Ironhide gets to play leader-man in this episode. I'm an Ironhide fan so, to me, this is A Good Thing™. Even though Ironhide, along with all of the other Autobots are pretty dim in the episode, at least 'Hide gets to have a power trip. :) Unfortunately, that's just about the only unadulteratedly good thing, story-wise, that I can pinpoint in the episode...

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Great Moments

I like the way that the crystal's lights are drawn in this episode, that kind of iridescent glow that wafts up from the crevice like a mist. In the close-ups of the Decepticons' faces in the beginning of the episode, this mist is animated, swirling around, and there are lots of hints of color in it. It impresses me, for some reason. I don't often notice art-y, animation-related tidbits in the episodes, but this leaps out at me for some reason. It looks very nice!

And there is one part of this episode that makes me laugh out loud and it's not supposed to be funny. It is, in fact, a blooper...I think... I hope... It occurs right at the end of the episode, as the Bots are going off with the pseudo-Prime into certain doom down in the energy crevice. The real Prime, in a desperate attempt to stop them, yells after them, calling out several of Autobots' names. In that list of names, he names Trailbreaker as "Trailblazer." HAH! :) Yeah, way to make 'em think you're the real Prime... Heh... Love that. :)

On an entirely different note...Pseudo-Screamer blows up real good, don't he? Say what you will about Starscream, but when he blows up at least he always does it in a pretty and very dramatic fashion. Wouldn't be Screamer without a little drama, after all...

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Appearance List!

In order of first line spoken, the characters who have lines in "A Prime Problem" are:

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Totally Arbitrary Overall Rating, Just For the Heck of It

Dumbness abounds. And I hate dumb episodes. The plot's totally unbelievable. Prime's being an idiot. I mean, if you see an evil clone of yourself, BLOW IT UP, for pity's sake! Megatron, after fighting Autobots for millions of years, still doesn't know what Bumblebee looks like? And all the Autobots believe that because the pseudo-Prime blew up pseudo-Starscream (Who picked the Prime he was going to fight, mind you!), then he has to be the real Prime? And they almost believe him over Windcharger in the end? Please...

There's really nothing redeeming to be found in this episode...An absurd and unbelievable plot. Characters acting dumber than dirt. Still, for some perverse reason I don't totally hate it. I don't love it, no, but I don't hate it, either. Not like I hate "City of Steel," at any rate. So let's make it a...4. Yeah, that should do it...