[Plot Details][Opinions][Great Moments][Rating]

Make Tracks in a Nutshell...
Tracks finds a buddy while Megatron screws over New York City's grand theft auto crowd and Starscream goes shopping.

More Than...You Want to Know!

Warning! Warning! Major spoilers ahead! Proceed at your own risk!

Don't want to read everything that happened in this episode? Well, fine! Be that way! You can just darn well click here and go on to the next part, ya spoilsport!

Oh, here we are back in New York City... (Why? Why is there this obsession with New York City? What about Los Angeles? What about Chicago? What about Philadelphia? No, it's always NYC that's getting picked on. Not that I'm complaining, mind you... :) ) Specifically, here we are in a grungy part of New York City where there's caterwauling cats, trash all over the place, shady- looking characters with Mohawk haircuts, and...Tracks? (Tracks? What's he doing on the seedier side of town?)

Well, apparently, he's busy getting stolen by some of those aforementioned shady- looking characters...One of 'em uses a gadget to pop his lock (Didn't realize TFs had locks...Like they'd need 'em, you know? Maybe Tracks had one installed, seeing as how he's "undercover" here and whatnot...) I guess they didn't notice the big ol' Autobot symbols on Tracks' hood and roof. In any case, the petty thieves climb aboard, crank up some tunes on the also-incognito Blaster, and go for a joyride straight to the chop shop, where they get a measly eight hundred bucks for Tracks. Tracks, perhaps offended at the paltry sum, transforms and tells everyone to freeze. The funky-haired punks make a run for it, but Blaster transforms and nabs 'em. The chop shop boss runs the other way, only to nearly run into Optimus Prime, who transforms, weathers a few shots from the boss's handgun, and then tells the petty criminal to surrender while the cops pull up to cuff the crooks. Apparently, the Autobots have been so idle that they've decided to help out with New York City's crime problem... But, their job done, they're heading back for Sparkplug's garage... (Didn't realize Sparkplug had a garage in NYC...)

Sparkplug welcomes the Bots back to his humble abode while Optimus Prime asks if there's been any word from Teletran One. But there hasn't been, which leads Sparkplug to believe that the Decepticons must be laying low. Meanwhile, he pushes a button that opens a door that leads into a room that looks an awful lot like the inside of Autobot HQ--complete with a big honkin' viewscreen--but obviously isn't Autobot HQ. As they walk in, Tracks declares--literally--I love New York! (And he even admits it's a cliché!) Tracks wants to stay there forever. Prime ignores him, though, ordering Powerglide and Cosmos to patrol the sky for Decepticons and Seaspray, poor guy, to check out NYC's rivers. :) Tracks, meanwhile, not being given am assignment, decides to go out for some "invigorating city air." It's too stuffy for him around Optimus Prime. (And, y'know...I'd have to agree with Tracks!) So off he goes...heading straight for trouble, of course...

He meets up with a pair of would-be car-jackers who become just a mite confused when they realize that the car they want to take has no driver. Tracks runs them down, almost...and then crashes into a streetlight, smashing in his hood. He backs up, tries to transform, but can't. He's stuck. Fortunately for him, an oddly-dressed and badly-coiffed street punk shows up who decides that Tracks is his... As the punk runs off, presumably to find spare parts, Tracks mutters, "This is a most disturbing development..." (Still loving New York there, sweeting?? :) )

Later the punk and a couple of friends push Tracks into a vacant lot and the punk gets to work, tallying Tracks' damage: Two flat tires, a shot carburetor, a front end in dire need of an alignment, and a hood that needs some serious hammering out. He slides underneath, announcing, "I don't know who used to own you, but you're mine now." To which Tracks indignantly replies, "No one owned me! I'm mine!" The punk promptly jumps, smacks his head on Tracks' bashed-in bumper, and knocks himself cold. When he comes to, Tracks airs his grievances: "I've been shot at, smashed up, and stolen three times tonight, and I'm in a most foul humor." So he tells the punk to fix him. ("Fix me!" Sorry, "Little Shop of Horrors" moment there... :) ) The punk marvels that the car in front of him can talk, to which Tracks promptly and sarcastically snipes, "You've got a mind like a steel trap." The punk announces that he'll fix Tracks, but then he's selling him (Great! A TF pimp!) to some guys to whom he'd apparently promised a car. Tracks protests, but the punk's mind is made up. He needs the money he'll get from selling Tracks more than he needs a car. "More than you need a friend?" Tracks retorts. (Though of course, Tracks hasn't been very friendly so far, so I don't know where he comes off saying that... )

Later, the repairs are proceeding. As the punk arrives with a tire on each arm he laments, "First time in my life I try to steal a car, and I get one with a big mouth," Tracks is scandalized that the punk no doubt secured parts in a less-than-reputable manner and the punk basically tells him to shut up, that he could be off scrawling graffiti on innocent buildings instead of trading barbs with a talking car. He's not in the mood for lectures. He pops Tracks' hood...and gets a shock when he sees all kinds of stuff he doesn't recognize, including lots of cylindrical components and cheerful blinky things. He cuts one little wire that runs between two of the cylindrical components...and Tracks is shut down. Kaput. After the punk splices the wire back together, Tracks informs him that without that wire he's just an ordinary car. (Mmmmm-hmmmm. That's news to me!)

Meanwhile, some bad person is dumping a car in a river. Bad! Bad! Seaspray chases 'em off, though, and reports back to Optimus Prime that--basically-- he's bored to tears. Back at their little NYC headquarters, Optimus checks in with Powerglide, who also reports situation normal with not a Decepticon in sight. Optimus tells him to report in if he sees anything that even looks like a Decepticon. Or like Tracks, since Optimus has apparently become worried about VetteMan. Cosmos, meanwhile, is also patrolling and reports a fender bender that's causing a traffic jam--Huffer and Hoist are stuck in it--but that's about it. It's quiet in the City That Never Sleeps...

Meanwhile, the punk is putting the finishing touches on Tracks and declares him "all better." (Someone give that boy a job in a body shop; He works fast!) And then the bad guys show up, the ones to whom Mr. Punk owes a car. He goes out to talk to the Bad Men, who proceed to threaten physical harm. But it's Tracks to the rescue! He speeds onto the scene, transforms, and demands that the Bad Men put the punk down. In response, the one bad guy throws the punk at Tracks and then they take off, cryptically announcing as they run off that they thought the "robot guys" were on their side. Tracks, hearing that, is of course obliged to pursue the bad men. He transforms back to car mode, the punk climbs aboard and the chase is on! When the bad guys manage to elude them momentarily, Tracks takes to the air, giving the punk a shock. They finally introduce themselves to one another. The punks name is apparently Raul. (Raoul? How do you spell that???) Eventually, they spot the bad guys. Tracks lands, gives chase for a bit, but eventually the bad guys end up escaping in a bunch of warehouses.

Later, back in their favorite vacant lot, Tracks is apparently pissed about losing the bad guys. Why? Because they assumed he was a Decepticon (How dare they???!) and therefore Tracks assumes that they're dealing with the Decepticons. Raul reveals that those bad guys are trying to corner the stolen car market, and Tracks wonders why the Decepticons would want stolen cars. Raul has no idea. Neither does Tracks...but then he gets an idea. He transforms. They're off for the warehouse where the bad guys (The "Gettes Brothers," apparently), are keeping their stolen cars. He's going undercover as a stolen car. (Complete with Autobot symbols! :) )

They arrive just in time to see a line of cars trooping out of a warehouse and across a bridge that leads to...New Jersey (Oh nooooo! New Jersey drivers!) Tracks follows the line of stolen cars. Overhead, Starscream, followed by Powerglide, flies over.

Powerglide reports in to Optimus Prime that he's spotted Screamer. Prime orders him to find out what Starscream's up to and assures him that he'll send Cosmos in to help. Screamer, meanwhile, notices Powerglide behind him, and the chase is on! After flying around for a bit and shooting at each other, Starscream lands, transforms...and heads into the mall??? (Guess he found out Macy's is having one of their awesome one-day sales...) Cosmos and Powerglide head in after him. "He must be hiding somewhere!" Cosmos offers. (Yeah, like a 25- foot tall robot would have a wealth of choices of hiding spots in your average mall...Suuuuure!) In fact, he's "hiding" on a second-floor balcony. He fires at the Autobots, taking out pillars and sending humans scattering and shattering the obligatory glass mall elevator. Cosmos grabs the falling elevator car while Starscream runs up the stairs (Starscream: "Gotta get to Macy's before it closes!"). Powerglide and Cosmos follow, Starscream greets them at the top of the stairs with a barrage of laser fire that sends them hurtling down to the first floor again. Starscream, meanwhile, transforms and smashes through the ceiling. (He's got a really bad habit of doing that, you know. He must get awful headaches...) He's outta there, leaving Powerglide and Cosmos gawking after him.

Back at the Autobots' little HQ, Powerglide and Cosmos report to Optimus Prime about Starscream. Given that Powerglide and Cosmos reported Screamer flying off in a southwesterly direction, Optimus Prime deduces that he's heading for...New Jersey's Pine Barrens???? (Ummmm...Geography lesson time! Here's a clue, Op. If Screamer's heading southwest from New York City, he's not heading for New Jersey's Pine Barrens, which are in the southern end of that state, and almost due south--a little southeast, in fact--from downtown New York City. If Screamer's heading southwest from New York City, he's heading in the direction of the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania! In other words, Screamer's coming to visit me! :) Isn't that sweet of him??? :) ) "What's there?" Powerglide asks, meaning the Pine Barrens. (Uh, duh! Nothing except pine trees! That's why the name has the word "pine" and the word "barren" in it! :) )

Meanwhile...In the Pine Barrens, I guess (Except that it looks nothing like the Pine Barrens. Way too densely-forested with not nearly enough sand on the ground...In fact, it looks more like the Poconos!), stands a very Decepticon-looking metal building. Tracks and Raul have arrived on the scene as the Gettes Brothers and Megatron are sealing the deal on the shipment of stolen cars. One of the Gettes Brothers demands the million dollars(!) Megatron promised them. What they get instead, of course, is the business end of Megatron's fusion cannon. As the humans run off in terror, Hook announces, "We are ready to re-convert this final batch of vehicles, Megatron." (And he says it in a very odd, slow, monotone voice, I might add. Sounds like he's overdosed on Valium or something...) This makes Megs a happy boy.

Tracks, meanwhile, tries to contact Optimus Prime to report what they've found...but his radio (Conveniently...) isn't working. He and Raul watch as the Decepticons load the stolen cars on to a conveyor belt. Raul wonders what they're doing, and Tracks decides he's going to find out. He joins the end of the line of stolen cars heading for the conveyor belt. As he pulls up and Rumble loads him onto the conveyor belt, Tracks mutters that he "doesn't like the looks of this..." As well he shouldn't, for inside the building into which the conveyor belt conveys, is Scrapper. With a big sword. That he uses to chop the poor stolen cars in half. Uh-ohhhhh... Tracks mutters that he has "no desire to be carved up into auto-sushi"...and then that pesky little wire--the one that is the only thing in the universe that assures his sentience, the one that Raul cut earlier and shoddily spliced together--comes unspliced. Whoops! Him Tracks in deep doo-doo!

Raul to the rescue! He boldly runs onto the scene and demands his car back. Megatron, surprisingly, doesn't shoot him where he stands. "What do you mean, your car?" Megatron asks back. Raul informs them that he has a whopper of an anti-theft device. A bomb! If they try to rip Tra--I mean, Raul's car!- -apart, it'll blow up. Holding his fusion cannon to Raul's head, Megatron informs him that if he disconnects the bomb he'll let Raul live. (Bad move, Megs!) "Fair enough!" Raul relents. Megs orders the conveyor belt stopped, Raul pops Tracks' hood, resplices that pesky wire, Tracks transforms...and all hell breaks loose. Megs, Screamer, Soundwave, the cassettes...everyone starts firing at Tracks and Raul. None of the shots hit their target and Tracks and Raul run off into the woods. Ravage and Rumble pursue.

As they flee, Tracks announces he's getting low on power (He picked a fine time for that...). Raul gets out, Tracks transforms and sinks down against the nearest tree, almost out of power, as Ravage and Rumble catch up. Raul runs off to distract Ravage...who gets decked by Sideswipe who leaps in out of nowhere to save the day. Bumblebee and Jazz, also arriving out of nowhere, get Rumble out of the exhausted Tracks' face. The two cassette guys take off and Bumblebee demands to know where Tracks has been. Raul arrives back on the scene and informs the newcomers that Tracks is almost out of power. The other Bots react with surprise at Raul's presence, but Tracks assures them that Raul is a friend.

Meanwhile, back at the Autobots little NYC Headquarters, Optimus sums up the situation thusly, "So, Megatron is converting stolen cars into vehicles that can drive on their own. Somehow I suspect there's more to it (...Than meets the eye? No suck luck...) than that." And he's apparently right, for on the viewscreen an image pops up of a bunch of driverless vehicles crossing the bridge back into NYC! Ratchet, Blaster, and Optimus are to square off against the cars on the bridge while the others are to split up and take care of those that have already gotten into the city.

Up on the bridge, Optimus, Ratchet, and Blaster square off against the Evil Cars...and quickly learn that there is more to them than meets the eye! :) They can transform! And they have guns! And they outnumber the Autobots! The Autobots fire and blow up the front ranks...but more keep coming.

Meanwhile, near the Chrysler Building, Tracks, Bumblebee, Inferno, and Sideswipe face off against more Evil Cars. "I'll teach you to mess with the Chrysler Building!" Tracks yells (Oh, what do you care, Tracks? You're a Chevrolet!), and the Autobots make short work of the Evil Cars. The fight does set a nearby building aflame, though, giving Inferno something to do.

Meanwhile, Ironhide, Huffer, and Windcharger face off against more Evil Cars... They, like the others, can't shoot for beans, but there are a lot of them...Up on the bridge, Ratchet, sitting amongst the wreckage of one of the cars, discovers that they have no brains. Optimus finally figures out that they're remote controlled, so he has Blaster broadcast a jamming signal and all is well.

Only one thing left to do...and that's to shut down the Decepticons' chop shop. They Autobots arrive on the scene...back in the Pine Barrens, I guess...and attempt to chase off the Decepticons. Raul runs into the building with a crowbar, determined to smash the hell out of the controls, I guess. But Megs grabs him before he can smash anything. Megs saunters outside with this little hostage...which, of course, makes Optimus Prime weak in the knees because a human's in danger. Megatron demands their surrender or else he can't guarantee Raul's safety. Tracks is pissed. "If you harm one hair on his head, I'll personally carve you into scrap metal!" he yells. Megs finds the display of loyalty touching. And with Megatron thus distracted, Raul pulls his trusty can of spray paint out of his jacket, presses a button on Megs' chest that causes a compartment to pop open, and squirts the yellow paint in. Megs is apparently allergic to yellow spray paint because he starts to short out something fierce, dropping Raul in the process. Soundwave and Rumble grab the disabled Megatron, take off, and the Autobots win. Again.

Tracks blows up Megs' chop shop (With only one blast from his gun, I might add. Tracks has one hell of a gun, and it's not even a Really Big Gun™!) and all is right with the universe.

Back at Sparkplug's garage, the stolen cars have been rounded up. They all have to be converted back to regular cars and returned to their owners. Sparkplug estimates that even with himself, Wheeljack, Hoist, and Ratchet working on them, it'll take weeks to accomplish. So Tracks "volunteers" Raul's services in that regard. (Hey, as quickly as he fixed Tracks, he should be done in about...two days! :) ) Raul's none too happy. And thus the episode ends with the following endearing exchange:

Raul: "One thing's for sure; I ain't never gonna steal a car again. You're more trouble than you're worth."
Tracks: "What do you mean? I saved your life!"
Raul: "And I saved yours. Twice."
Tracks: "Ohhhhh, pipe down and hand me that socket wrench..."

Hee! :)

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Nightwind's Unsolicited Opinions

This episode gets the award for being "Most Like an Episode of Knight Rider," right down to the "petty thieves try to steal the nifty talking car" scene. It happened in this episode (Twice! Both times before the first commercial!), and it happened roughly every other episode in Knight Rider. So that's a plus for the episode, from my point of view. Really! I loved Knight Rider! I didn't give a flying fig about David Hasselhoff, but I would've given the left hemisphere of my brain (After all, I think with my right hemisphere. :) ) to have KITT, the black 80s Trans Am with all those nifty gadgets and--better still!--the voice of William Daniels. :)

So I guess when you get down to it, this episode is perhaps every drooling fanboy's dream, sort of, in the same way that "The Girl Who Loved Powerglide" is a fangirl's fantasy episode. In this episode, the fanboys can fantasize about having an Autobot in their garage while in "TGWLP," the fangirls can fantasize about having an Autobot in their...Well, you get the idea. :) (I know, I know...Ewwwwww! :) ) In any event, fanboy or not, I like this episode, for several reasons. It has its silly, inexplicable bits (Wouldn't be a G1 episode without 'em, after all! :)) which I'll get to in a minute, but it has its good bits, too. To wit:

One: It's just plain fun. It is!

I mean, c'mon, Tracks is inherently fun, all by himself! I like him. He's got the stupidest name, perhaps, of all of the cartoon Autobots (Sounds more like a name for a dragster or a road-racing hot rod car, not for Mr. Posh), but he is very cool. Really! Honest! He's got that posh voice. He's got that endearing vanity. (I like Tracks' vanity whereas Sunstreaker's can sometimes grate on me. Go figure. And what is it with vain TFs, anyway? You've got Tracks. You've got Sunstreaker. You've got Grimlock. You've got Powerglide. You've got Starscream. Geez! One wonders if there are mirrors all over the place on Cybertron... :) ) Most of all, Tracks a TF Corvette. (One based upon a late 70s model 'Vette, no less. And that's a big plus to me, given that my all-time favorite car is the 1978 Corvette, before the remodel Chevy did in the early 80s. 'Vettes just haven't been the same for me since then...) And Tracks is a Corvette that can fly, no less. And I like his paint job. I dig bright red, yellow, and blue--the primary colors--especially when they're all together. So I like Tracks. Call him wussy or effeminate or gay or anything else you want to call him, but Tracks, in my book, is the epitomé of coolness. So there! :P

And then there's Starscream at the mall, being chased by Cosmos and Powerglide. That is just so weird that it's funny!

And then there's the interplay between Tracks and Raul that is actually rather well-done, conveying a friendship between the two without it being cloying or sappy. In fact, they're yet another mismatched pair, just the type that the G1 writers can't seem to resist. You've got Tracks, the slick and posh and sophisticated TF whom I can picture being at home in a snotty men's club where everyone wears tuxedoes, drinks expensive single-malt Scotch, and smokes fancy cigars. You know, the kind of place where James Bond or Thurston Howell III would hang out. And then you've got Raul, the little petty thief/graffiti "artist"/ruffian street kid with a heart of gold. (And bad 80s hair, but that's beside the point.) How utterly opposite can you get? And yet they get along. Is this supposed to be a message that G1 is giving us or something? :)

Two: I've got a confession to make. I like Raul (or Raoul or however you want to spell his name.) I don't like the little breakdancing buddies that he accumulates in "Auto-Bop" a few episodes hence, but I like Raul. Yeah, he's a bit of a stereotypical New York City Hispanic street urchin, but there's enough of a twist to him that he's not offensive, at least to me. I run pretty hot and cold with the human characters, it seems; I either love 'em or I hate 'em and for the most part, I can't tell you why I love 'em or hate 'em (Except for one Daniel Witwicky, that is... :) I definitely know why I hate him. :) ) But Raul's definitely on the "love" list, if only because I envy him for getting to hang out with a TF and he can still manage to be non-annoying at the same time. Wish he'd give Spike a few lessons...

Three: The eye candy. The billboards and marquees dotting New York City in this episode just have to be seen to be believed! It's fun to watch this episode just to see things you never noticed before and go, "What the...?". But I'll save all those for the Great Moments, because one, in particular, is truly great. :)

OK, so there's the good. Now on to the bad...

One: Um, why on God's Green Earth would Megatron want to steal cars and make them into a mindless remote control transforming horde that can easily be stopped dead in its tracks by a simple jamming signal from Blaster? Is this where Megs got the idea for the Stunticons? Some of them are pretty mindless, after all, not much above the level of "remote control." (Except my boy Dead End. I love Dead End. :) )

Two: And why bother with hiring human criminals to steal the cars for the Cons? I mean, c'mon! It's not like the Decepticons are a subtle bunch. It's not like they usually hide behind puppets and/or do things more behind the scenes, like organized crime does things. If the Decepticons want something, they just barrel in and take it, for pity's sake, usually by the simple expedient of blasting a hole in the ceiling or roof of a building. Not exactly subtle. But in this episode they feel the need to hide behind humans just to steal a few measly cars??? Why? Me, I would've thought up a better reason why Megatron and Co. are hanging around New York... :)

Two: Ummmmm...One very thin little wire is all that stands between being a fully-sentient TF and being just another nifty classic 'Vette? Um, do the Decepticons know this? Geez, here they are running around with lasers and missiles and fusion cannons and stuff when all they really need is, to paraphrase Jazz from "Changing Gears," "some real bad wire cutters?" Can you say "plot convenience?" I thought you could... :)

Three: The Decepticons can't hit the broad side of a barn in this episode. I mean, they can't normally hit a target anyway, but they're really bad in this episode. As Tracks and Raul are escaping from Megs' "chop shop," practically the WHOLE FREAKIN' DECEPTICON ARMY is firing multitudes of shots at them...and the shots never even come close to hitting either Tracks or Raul. They stand there and chat while Decepticon laser fire shoots all around them but never hits them. Man, send them 'Cons to the shooting range for some emergency remedial training, puh-leeeeeze! :) I don't know why this bothers me because usually I find the lack of shooting skill on the part of robotic creatures with computer brains somewhat amusing, but for some reason the Cons seem to be particularly incompetent marksmen in this episode. :) I guess they can only hit their intended target when it's convenient to the plot... (Kind of like the wondrous "auto guns" of BW... :) )

Four: Megatron is allergic to yellow spray paint. Ummmmm...Do the Autobots know this?? Guess they do now... So why didn't they subsequently arm themselves with aerosol cannons that spew yellow spray paint??? :)

Five: Who came up with the title??? It has absolutely nothing to do with the plot of the episode, other than it has Tracks' name in it. I mean, if you take the title literally, it should be about "making Tracks" (i.e. Tracks' creation), however that was accomplished--and no, I'm not about to launch into a diatribe about TF reproduction, so don't worry your pretty little head about that. ;) Anyway, it's a really bad title and, say what you will about the G1 episodes, but they are usually well-titled, especially in Season 3's case. At least the titles usually have some bearing upon or relationship to the plot of the episode. This one, though... While it's not nearly as bad as BW's "Code of Hero" in terms of non-sensical titles, it's still a really dumb title. And, as I said in my review of "Code of Hero," titles do matter... To me, at least. But perhaps I'm just strange... (Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I'm strange... :) )

Still and all, though...Even though the episode is often silly in the extreme and the car-theft subplot is pretty much "filler" for the episode, as if it's an unwritten law that G1 can't have an episode without the Decepticons doing something naughty, I like this episode, overall. The plot/premise is a bit weak, but the character interaction between Tracks and Raul is pretty cool, enough so, at least, that I can focus on it and ignore the stuff that otherwise would pretty much tick me off.

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Great Moments

My favorite line of the episode — though I don't know why — is:
Raul: "First time in my life I try to steal a car, and I get one with a big mouth."
Just your luck, eh Raul? :)

But by far the biggest attraction while watching this episode is trying to catch all the neon signs that are scattered throughout New York City. Some of them are doozies. To wit:

And, actually, there are other signs that I just can't make out, probably because I taped this episode back in the series' original run and the print is going bad. If anyone else notices any good ones, let me know... :)

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Totally Arbitrary Overall Rating, Just For the Heck of It

So shoot me. I like this episode. I like Tracks. I like Raul. I like the goofiness factor in this episode.

It's a pretty absurd episode with a pretty absurd premise and a pretty absurd plot. But it's fun. When a G1 ep's fun, I can overlook a lot of the stuff that usually ticks me off. This one's a classic case of that phenomenon. While I don't classify it as a great episode, it is a fun episode. Overall...Let's give it a 7.5, 'K?