[Plot Details] [Opinions] [Great Moments] [Caption Weirdness] [Rating]

The Probe In a Nutshell...
The Maximals try to phone home...and get disconnected, of course. Darn AT & T!

All The Gruesome Details
Warning! Warning! Major spoilers ahead! Proceed at your own risk!
Don't want to read everything that happened in the episode? Well, fine then! Be that way! You can just darn well click here and skip to the next part, you spoilsport.

Whoa! What the heck is this? Metallized planet and little thingies zinging all over the place? Guess it’s gotta be Cybertron. Pretty cool…though I still say it looked better in the G1 days. Ain’t no one gonna convince me otherwise, friends. Still, ‘tis nifty-looking in the brief glimpse that we get of it... The voiceover, presumably some kind of Maximal log recording (It reminds me of a Star Trekkian “Captain’s Log” entry, after all.), informs us that the Axalon hasn’t been found in normal space. So the Maximals believe that Optimus Primal’s pursuit of the Predacons has taken him and his ship all the way into “a different time zone.” (Wow! Like, all the way over to California, maybe!) So they’re sending out probes to different time zones to find them. (Hence, the “clever” title of this episode. Don’t you just hate those? “The Probe.” “The Spark.” “The Trigger.” How un-creative. Star Trek: The Next Generation “excelled” at those types of titles. Yet another BW/ST parallel…) If Optimus and his crew are out there, says the voiceover, “we’ll find them and bring them home.” (Mmmm hmmmm…Sure you will, you slime. Oops, sorry. That be a rant for the “review” section...)

Guess where one of those probes gets sent to? Yep, to a planet that…Doesn’t look a whole heckuva lot like Earth, actually, in terms of continental lay-out…but then the Beast Wars planet rarely does look like Earth, even after it’s revealed that it is Earth. Go figure. Anyway, a probe gets sent basically to the stranded Maximals’ doorstep.

Meanwhile, those stranded Maximals (All of ‘em! Except Rhinox, of course, who hardly ever gets to go anywhere…) are trudging home after a long hard day of doing who knows what. They’ve got beer and R and R on their brains, I bet…except for Cheetor, who’s got racing on his brain. Racing Rattrap, specifically. (Yeah, like a rat-even a large one like Rattrap-could ever keep up with a cheetah. Cheetahs can do 70 miles per hour over a quarter-mile distance. Rats, on the other hand…) Nevertheless, Rattrap keeps up with the cat while Optimus Primal and Dinobot long-suffering exchange “why us?” glances. Optimus takes to the sky after the two racers, flying over them. Oblivious, Cheetor looks over his shoulder to taunt Rattrap…and runs right into Optimus, who’s landed directly in Cheetor’s path. He ricochets off of Op and goes flying down an embankment, leading Rattrap to rhetorically ask, “Don’t cats ever get tired of being stupid?” (Not when they’re Cheetor, RT, no… ) Cheetor, meanwhile, is calling Optimus low. Optimus responds with a lecture about how he could have been a Predacon and how Cheetor should be alert while out of the base and blah de blah de blah. (Sounds just like a mom, Optimus does...) Dinobot adds a few stinging words of Dinobotian disdain and they’re all off once again for the Axalon.

Inside the base, Rhinox has picked up something funky on the long range scanners, but he can’t punch through the energon interference to determine exactly what it is. Dinobot writes it off as a Pred trick, but Rhinox ignores him and tells Rattrap to see if he can clear up the signal…which he does--and triumphantly so, spinning gleefully around in his chair…and when he sees what the scanners have picked up he exclaims, “Strip my gears and call me a floor lamp!” Yep, ‘tis that probe. The Maximals think they’re goin’ home…if they can break through the interference and contact it…which Rhinox tries to do…to no avail. Cheetor’s bummed, Rhinox is bummed, I’m bummed, everyone’s bummed. But then Rhinox remembers that the probe will conveniently make another pass by the planet before it leaves the system and if they can send it the ship’s transwarp signature when it passes, it’ll pick it up and then they can go home. So the Maximals have another chance. Suddenly, everyone’s not-so-bummed anymore! Well, except for Dinobot, who doesn’t look very thrilled over the prospect of home at all…

Next thing we know, the Maximals are building a “signal array” in, as Dinobot points out, Predacon territory. As Rattrap points out, if the Preds spot them, they’ll be “beautiful targets.” Op’s not concerned, though--because my man Tigatron’s watching their backs.

And there he is, on a bluff, commenting about how sweet the air is…until he gets a whiff of Waspinator, that is. He maximizes and blows the grumbling Waspy out of the sky, sending him flying far, far away. “Next time you’re searching for Maximals, keep your mind on the job,” he admonishes…only to hear Tarantulas’ chortling reply that Waspinator’s job was to be bait. And he did his job well! (For once…) Because now Tarantulas gets to try out his “new toy” on poor Tigatron

That toy? Well, it’s something that looks sort of like a floating halogen light bulb and that works just like the Transfixatron from back in the G1 episode “The Autobot Run.” (Insert whimper from Nightwind here… ) Tigatron starts fighting with the thing…

And we head off for a quick cut back to the rest of the Maximals, who hear the fight. Cheetor goes off to investigate. Dinobot offers to follow him and perhaps to help out Cheetor with his “warrior skills.” Optimus doesn’t agree though. He thinks Dinobot’s “skills” will be more useful for array-building. “Oh, of course!” Dinobot responds, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “We wouldn’t want to miss our chance to go home.” Rattrap takes offense and accuses Dinobot of not wanting to go home…and, in fact, Dinobot isn’t too keen on going home. He believes that when the Maximals arrive to take them all home, he will be treated no differently than Megatron…or perhaps he’ll be treated worse than Megatron, even. Optimus reassures him that he won’t let that happen, that Dinobot’s a Maximal now and he’ll be treated like one. But that, too, is of little comfort to Dinobot, who retorts that maybe he doesn’t want to be treated like a Maximal. And then he stalks off in a snit.

Meanwhile, after a brief “fight” with the light bulb thing, in which Tigatron shoots at it like crazy, it dodges like crazy, and Tarantulas laughs like crazy, the thing nails Tigatron with a blast of pink light and suddenly he’s stuck in tiger mode. Ranty shoots one of those energy-draining webs of his at Tigatron to subdue him…and waits for the next test object to show up…

Cheetor being Cheetor, he arrives right on time, flip comment and all, christening Tarantulas “Chuckles.” He orders Tarantulas to step away from Tigatron, which he does…only to reveal the transfixation lens behind him. In short order, it bags Cheetor, too. “Don’t cats ever get tired of being stupid?” Tarantulas rhetorically asks. (Like I said to Rattrap, Tarantulas, not when the cat in question is Cheetor, the big lug. :) ) Surveying his bagged cats, Tarantulas muses, “Two down, four to go.” (A spider’s work is never done, is it, Ranty?)

Back at the Axalon, meanwhile, Rhinox has succeeded in replicating the Axalon’s transwarp signature. He asks how long it’ll be before the probe is back in range, to which the computer answers 1.4 megacycles. Sighing, he grabs the disk-like thing to which he’d copied the transwarp signature and laments that he needs to “get [his] gears in high.” (A rhino’s work is never done, either, apparently…)

Back at the construction site, Optimus is trying to contact Cheetor and Tigatron with no results while Rattrap and Dinobot struggle with the array in the background. And while they do that, Scorponok is spying on them, recording all that they’re doing. (Perhaps he was Laserbeak in a previous life. :) ) Vowing that “Megatron must know,” he pops a chip-like thingy off of his chest and hands it to Terrorsaur, who snaps it out of Scorpy’s claw with his beak and then flies back off to Predland to tattle-tale… Speaking of Predland, guess where the next scene takes place? (Well, after a brief peek at the probe rounding what looks like the planet Neptune, that is...) Yep, the Pred base. Tigatron and Cheetor are hanging around (literally) in cages suspended from the ceiling while Megatron, Tarantulas, Blackarachnia, and Terrorsaur watch Scorponok’s recording on a video screen, wondering what the heck the Maximals are up to. At that propitious moment, the two Maximals awaken and Megs grills them. Except he doesn’t need to do all that much grilling because Cheetor the Dork opens his big old mouth about the probe when it appears on the Predacons’ scanners (Why it didn’t appear the first time it passed by is a question that we, dear friends, are left to ponder.)...and the pieces suddenly come together for Megatron. He orders a full-scale assault on the Maximal construction zone so that they can immediately destroy the signal array. And Megatron orders Tarantulas to bring along his new toy, christening it a “transformation lock lens.” (Which I’ve gotta say is a better name for it than his namesake gave to his version of the stupid thing. :) ) And off they go, leaving the two Maximals unguarded (Smooth move, Megs.) Tigatron seems to think that if they swing their cages back and forth hard enough then somehow they’ll be able to escape from them, so that’s what he and Cheetor proceed to do (The logic escapes me, personally…but whatever floats your boat, guys! Or "swings your cage," in this case. :) )

Back at the construction site, Dinobot is announcing that the array is all but finished, except for the transwarp module that Rhinox is bringing, though Dinobot seems a bit dubious about the chances of getting said module in time. Rattrap assures him that Rhinox will get there, adding a snotty “not that you give a nanobyte,” which earns him a whack to the back of the head from Optimus Primal behind him. (Ahhhh, Op sanctions corporal punishment. I knew there was a reason I liked the guy. ;) ) “To the inferno with both of you,” Dinobot snorts in disdain, turns…and promptly gets blasted in the back by a Scorponok missile. Scorpy announces that Megatron has ordered the array destroyed and fires another missile at it. Optimus promptly fires interceptor missiles at Scorponok’s missiles. (And he drawls just like his namesake occasionally does on the word “fire.” How cute! :) ) They destroy Scorponok’s missiles before they can reach their target and Scorpy, pissed, goes to fire at Optimus instead…only to promptly get his claw blown off by Rattrap (Ouch!), who fires off a snotty “I don’t think so” at Scorponok, who’s screaming in pain. Then Dinobot stands up and, with an equally snotty “I really don’t think so,” fires his eye beams at the unfortunate Scorpy, sending him flying far, far away. Dinobot and Rattrap share an amiable(!) thumb’s up at their handiwork.

Meanwhile the swingin’ cats are still swingin’ Eventually, their cages bash violently together and the bottoms drop out of both of them, sending them plummeting toward the abyss of lava below them. But Tigatron lands on a little ledge and catches Cheetor’s tail as he hurtles past and, with a growl (Nightwind grins happily), pulls him up onto the ledge as well. Looking at his tail as if he’d never noticed it before, Cheetor marvels, “I knew that was good for something, other than swattin’ flies.” Tigatron asks if Cheets knows where the Predacons’ repair chamber is so that they can get unlocked, as it were. “Follow me!” Cheetor says confidently. (Though I have no idea how Cheetor would know the layout of the Pred base at this point in the series...)

Meanwhile, the probe’s back in the vicinity of the Maximals' little home away from home again. And Optimus, Rattrap, and Dinobot are waiting patiently for the other Predacons to come and kill them. And they don’t have long to wait! With a signature squawk Terrorsaur arrives on the scene. He and the Maximals shoot ineffectually at each other for a bit and then Terrorsaur flies away. Dinobot scoffs that he always was a coward. To which Megatron, popping onto the scene, answers that he also makes an excellent diversion. And there’s Blackarachnia, Megs (of course), and Tarantulas and the lock lens all lined up in a row, rarin’ to whoop some Maximal keister.

Fightin’ time! Dinobot charges Megatron, only to be tagged by the lock lens. He’s now stuck bein’ a velociraptor-like creature. And then he gets the snot kicked out of him by Blackarachnia. Down he goes. Rattrap, incensed, goes to help him out, shooting BA’s gun out of her claw. And then, with an outraged, “Nobody does that to my team, sister,” Rattrap advances on her, shooting as he goes, eventually blasting her over the edge of the bluff upon which the construction site sits. He goes to check on Dinobot, to be told that Dinobot can’t transform…and then the lens picks off Rattrap, too. “Oh, no,” Rattrap moans. “Oh, yes,” Megatron gloats…and then blasts them both, sending them skittering across the bluff. That leaves only Optimus Primal to hold down the fort…

And Tarantulas is confronting him, wrapping a claw around Optimus’ throat as he’s picking himself up off the ground. Doesn’t do Ranty much good though because Op just puts the barrel of his arm gun to Ranty’s belly and fires, blasting a whole clean through the poor thing. And then Optimus tosses him far, far away (I sense a pattern in this episode…) But then the lens gets him as well, and he’s subsequently stuck in monkey mode. And Megs is right there to take advantage of the situation, gloating that Optimus’ “dreams of returning to Cybertron are over.” He fires a missile at the array. Optimus picks up a convenient I-beam and bats it away. (Awww, shucks! Went foul. But nice try, OP!) In fact, the thing explodes as it hits the I-beam, sending Optimus flying head-first into the array. Megatron’s on him in an instant, stomping on his back, digging in his heel “Yes!” Megatron exults…only to be interrupted by Rhinox first tapping him lightly and gently on the shoulder…and then socking him not-so-gently across the face. Megs goes flying…yes, far, far away and lies still while Rhinox goes to get the array online and enter the transwarp signature. But then the lock lens gets him and suddenly he has rhino feet where his hands used to be. Not very conducive to sticking disks into computers or typing stuff. He picks up the disk in his rhino mouth and takes it over to Optimus, who at least has an opposable thumb.

But too late! Megatron is conscious once again and finally manages to blow up that-there array. And it blows up real good, too! Big explosion. Optimus and Rhinox go flying, and Megatron laughs long and hard. As bits and pieces of the array, along with Optimus and Rhinox, land with a thud, Megatron goes to deliver the coup de grace…except that suddenly someone blows up the lock lens. And that someone would be one of them “stupid” cats, who’ve gotten themselves unlocked. “Time for you to decorate a cage, Megadork!” Cheetor exults, as he and Tigatron level their weapons at the Predacon leader. “I think not!” Megatron retorts. Then he transforms and scoots. Cheetor and Tigatron fire after him, but miss. After he leaves, Cheetor kneels down next to Optimus and asks if they’re going home. (Um, Cheetor? You see all the bits of the erstwhile array scattered all around you? Do you think that possibly the array shouldn’t be in bits and pieces like that if it is to work? Moreover, do you think that Optimus would look so abysmally depressed if rescue was imminent? Don’t cats ever get tired of…Well, two characters said that already, so I’ll refrain. :) ) “Not today,” Optimus mournfully answers. “But someday,” he adds. (Yeah, like two seasons hence…Well, except that the Maximals are never actually “rescued,” of course… No, Our Heroes must rescue themselves!)

And as depressing music plays, the probe burps off into a transwarp bubble thingy, just so that we get to end the episode on a high note and all…

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Nightwind's Unsolicited Opinions

This episode makes me...suspicious. Of whom, you may ask? Why, the Maximals, of course! Oh, not of Optimus Primal and Co., but of those Maximals hanging out back on Cybertron. It's a suspicion that kind of grows as the series goes on, but this episode is the start of it.

Why? Because, you see, I have my suspicions that the Maximal Elders knew precisely and exactly where Optimus Primal and, of course, Megtron were during the entire run of the Beast Wars series. I have no real proof of it, no, but certain things make me...uneasy. Certain things in the series make me believe that the Maximal Elders are not wholesome paragons of virtue, as their Autobot ancestors were invariably portrayed. I think they knew exactly where and when the stranded Maximals and Predacons were...and chose to do nothing about it, perhaps secure in the knowledge that Optimus would take care of the problem...and perhaps for other more nefarious reasons known only to themselves.

My "evidence" of the Maximals' less-than-wholesomeness? Well, there isn't much. Mainly, it's just a feeling that I get from the series as a whole. One thing is the creation of Protoform X. Why on Earth would the good guys want to create immortal folks in a time of peace? After all, TFs are pretty much immortal, anyway, unless damaged in a battle. Going out their way to create an immortal being indicates to me that the Maximals were preparing for a war...of their own making, perhaps? Another thing is the fact that the Maximals did nothing in response to that shockwave from Earth in "The Agenda." I cannot bring myself to believe that they wouldn't have noticed such a thing passing a cosmoslogical stone's throw from the planet. And then there's the fact that the Maximal Elders or High Council or whatever you want to call them officially deemed "off limits" the swatch of space where the anomaly that led Depth Charge right to Earth happened to appear... And there are a few other things. But, in terms of this episode, the fact that a probe was sent to Earth is very, very suspicious. Really!

I mean, think about it for a second. There are how many planets in the universe? Uncountable gazillions, even if only a quarter of the stars in the universe have planets orbiting them. Obviously, the Maximals don't have uncountable gazillions of probes to send out looking for just one little ship, even if the guy captaining it has the word "Optimus" in his name. So, obviously, the Maximals had to target the probes toward planets that were more likely to have hosted the Axalon's crash. What are the statistical chances that the Maximal Elders would have targeted Earth at random if they didn't already have some suspicions that the Axalon was there? Pretty darn slim, if you ask me. And if they had some suspicions...Why didn't they get off their lazy keisters and go there to check and, of course, rescue their brethren? After all, it's just a short jaunt through time and space in a transwarp ship. Don't tell me the Axalon was the only one they had...

So anyway, this episode is the one that sort of kindled my suspicions in regard to the Maximals. And, just to clarify, my suspicions don't make me dislike the Maximals. Not at all. I like less-than-wholesome heroes and less-than-completely-evil villains. Makes things a whole lot more interesting in my mind. And that aspect is primarily what intrigues me about this episode.

Well, that and a glimpse (And our first glimpse, at that) of a more introspective Dinobot. He's a Dinobot who's concerned about his future. Dinobot's not at all thrilled about the prospect of the Maximals swooping in to the rescue and taking the Maximals home. Understandable, of course. As Dinobot himself says, he'd be seen as a Predacon and a criminal, nothing more, and he'd no doubt be treated accordingly. So, faced with the situation at hand, Dinobot in this episode is no doubt second-guessing his decision to side with the Maximals. And that's certainly a theme that only grows from here on out. It'll notably surface again in "Victory" and, of course, it's an on-going plot point throughout the whole second season of the series.

Now, the biggest thing that makes me dislike this episode? Oh, that's easy! It's the "Wrath of the Transfixatron" angle to the episode. I hated that nonsensical plot device the first time around back in G1's "The Autobot Run." Why, oh why, was it resurrected here? I sure hope that it was totally unintentional because if the writers of this episode watched "The Autobot Run" and thought that it'd be a great idea to resurrect the Transfixatron...Well, let me just say that if that's the case then those writers need my shrink more than I do... Intentional or not, my feelings on the whole Transfixatron plot point in this episode can eloquently be summed up thusly: *shudder*

'Nuff said! :)

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Great Moments

That brief glimpse of Cybertron in the beginning of the episode is pretty nifty. Outside of a surreal Cheetor dream, it's our first of only what? Two such glimpses of Cybertron in Beast Wars, the other being in "The Agenda?" While I still prefer the old cel-animated old Cybertron and always will, I still couldn't help being impressed by Beast Wars' 3-D interpretation of the place.

My vote for best line? Well, that'd have to go to Rattrap and Tarantulas: "Don't cats ever get tired of being stupid?"

Don't know why I like it, but I do. :)

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Closed Captioning Weirdness
(Or, sometimes what you think they say is not really what they say...)

There's not a one... Sadly. I mean, I like the caption weirdness, since they can often make me laugh myself silly. Oh well! Guess all I can do is congratulate the captioners. Kudos!

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Totally Arbitrary Overall Rating, Just For the Heck of It

Like I said, this episode is the one that makes me start to wonder about the integrity of those Maximals happily living back on Cybertron. I like it when the heroes aren't all shiny and glaringly, perfectly good. So there you go. Overall, this is not a great episode, certainly. In the end, it's really rather pointless, in fact, and it does rehash one of my most-hated G1 Nefarious Decepticon Devices, the Transfixatron. But there are bits of it that intrigue me here and there. So I'll give it a 6.5.